Yes, folks, the time has come. As much as I thought it would be a labored, frightening leap into the black abyss, it really wasn't: I'm quitting my day job and freelancing full time! Yep. It's official -- all except for telling my job, that is.
Here's what happened: Tuesday I was talking to the hockey guys and mentioned I'd had to turn down 2 paying weekday jobs, and they said, oh, you don't want to do THAT. And I started thinking, my god, I've put myself out there, begged to be hired, then when people called, said, yeah, uh, can't really do that. NOT COOL. So I tossed and turned into the night. When I finally slept, I was having a dream about freelancing when awakened by my cats at about 4 am. I didn't get back to sleep after that, lying there wondering what I should do. All day I thought about it. That night I barely slept again (this was not helped by my cough that won't go away, mind you -- haven't slept well in a couple weeks -- I will only briefly mention that I fully believe that this is brought on by the noxious fumes from the welding shop attached to my office by a semi-insulated corrugated wall and a door that opens and closes about twice a minute. And yes, I'm finally going to call OSHA about it).
Thursday I was sitting there at work miles away in my own little world, thinking about all this when I sat up and said, OK, wait, I've been saving up for a little while now -- how much money do I have, vs. how much money do I need? I started doing some math. And I realized that, effective immediately, if I limit my non-set-bill spending (groceries, gas, beers etc.) to a certain, very low amount, I can probably get by through September with NO paying jobs if I work here through June.
When September rolls around, either I: am making a living and will continue to, am making a living but jobs will drop off, or am not making a living, and if it's either of the 2 latter I will go out and get temp office jobs until things pick up again. Temp jobs are always easy enough to get, and I have enough office experience now that I should make decent money. I've verified with people who've worked temp that this is still the case -- you can pretty much get a job immediately.
How simple and foolproof is that? And of course I'll make SOME money, so I think I can afford a vegetable once in a while (instead of living on pbj's, my plan until things pick up). I will also be able to get a beer or two with industry people for networking purposes from time to time (and so as not to go crazy).
I talked to my mom today and didn't mention that I'm quitting, smirkedy smirk. I don't know if I'll ever tell her. I rarely talk about my doorknob job anyway, and I won't lie, but if she doesn't specifically ask, "are you still working at that job?" I don't think I'll bring it up. Maybe if I make it for like a year and haven't asked her for one red cent I'll tell her.
Anyhoo. I've got a lot coming up already (taking time off work -- shhh!) and am feeling pretty confident about the whole thing despite some of my more experienced friends not being too enthusiastic about their own prospects. (Hard to compare me to them, though -- I'm a cheapass PA, not a producer or gaffer/grip/all-around kickass individual with a ton of equipment who knows everything and therefore costs more than lil ol me). Feeling pretty good, yet not dangerously manic about it. Ahhhh.
Showing posts with label underbelly of mpls flm world. Show all posts
Showing posts with label underbelly of mpls flm world. Show all posts
Sunday, June 3, 2007
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Holy brain diarrhea, better not read this one
Well, I am FRICKING TIRED. FRICK. Who says or actually types out FRICK?
I worked at the cable access show Friday and OPERATED A FRICKING CAMERA. Wow, I thought I was going to watch them and learn how to wrap a cable. I have 3 more dates set with them for May. It rockeded!
Saturday I worked a loooooong day on Dead of Night or whatever they're going to call it (I'll let you know so you can all rush to the theater to see it. ALL of you. Sarah.) It was COOL -- big set, LOTS of people. I think I learned about 50 new names -- and I actually remembered a lot of them! That's the thing I have to really work the hardest at.
Oh, and I met this guy:
Not to be confused with this guy:
(Weird: I couldn't find one picture of them together... Discuss.)
So anyway, it's fun, I'm exhausted, and I had to not work on the film today, despite the fact that they needed and WANTED me back, AND get up 4 hours after I got home from shooting last night because of mother's day. Most people just call their mom, but I had to get up at 8 am, pick up my brother 45 min. out of my way, drive 2.5 hours down there, eat, talk to relatives, drive 2.5 hours back, drop off brother, and try to sleep (yes, so I blog -- hey, my hair is drying). But do I get to lay on the guilt trip this time? Nope, mom does, because we didn't stay long enough. ARGH. I just have to say, and I hope I don't regret putting this out there, that I was getting really choked up reading mother's day cards this year. Because I was overcome with gratitude toward my mother? No, because so many of them were like, "mom, you've always supported me," blah blah blah. My mother does NOT support me and would rather have me work a job I DESPISE and which makes me want to die a quick death instead of this slow, torturous one, instead of pursuing a chance at professional fulfillment (which is the way I choose to find it -- not through breeding and such shit) and for once in my life taking real risks to do what I want to do, because she couldn't stand not having a steady income, so therefore I can't do it (you know, like "I'm cold, put on a sweater"). She goes out of her way EVERY TIME IT COMES UP to mention that this is such a great "hobby" for me. I can understand where she's coming from, where you go through life doing certain shit in a certain order (college, marriage, job, children, DIVORCE, REMARRIAGE, retirement, etc.) because THAT'S JUST WHAT PEOPLE DO, or more accurately, because you're TOO GODDAMN SCARED TO LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE, but I thought I'd gotten through to her that I AM NOT PEOPLE. I AM KRISTINA. I DO THINGS KRISTINA'S WAY, NOT "PEOPLE'S" WAY. IF I DON'T, THEN THERE IS NO POINT TO MY EXISTENCE, IS THERE? And I've been living what I feel is a completely poinless existence the past few years. Seriously, my life has been WITHOUT POINT, and I don't mean that in a suicidal way, I mean that in a way that says it's now or never, time to make a change. So I am attempting to rectify that and create something out of my life that I can be PROUD of. IT'S NOT A MOTHERFUCKING HOBBY. Yes, I am blogging on mother's day about my major, major issues with my mother. That's all I have to say about that, except that if anyone can tell me how, without estranging yourself from your family, to NOT GIVE A SHIT WHAT YOUR MOTHER THINKS EVEN WHILE SHE'S TELLING YOU EXACTLY WHAT SHE THINKS, please let me know. I'm 30 FRICKING years old and she still can do way more than just annoy me. I've done it before and I'll do it again: if I can't talk to her about my life, and talking to her makes me feel bad about myself every time, then I will extricate myself from that negative situation and no longer talk to her. Just because she says it with a smile doesn't mean she doesn't intend to passive-aggressively inflict her shit on me. HOBBY. FUCK YOU. Wow. That's it. I am going to hell, right now, today.
DAMN, was that an ashcan rant. I'm not even the least bit drunk. What a weird entry. Go to bed. I've gotten about 9 hours of sleep in the past two nights put together.
I worked at the cable access show Friday and OPERATED A FRICKING CAMERA. Wow, I thought I was going to watch them and learn how to wrap a cable. I have 3 more dates set with them for May. It rockeded!
Saturday I worked a loooooong day on Dead of Night or whatever they're going to call it (I'll let you know so you can all rush to the theater to see it. ALL of you. Sarah.) It was COOL -- big set, LOTS of people. I think I learned about 50 new names -- and I actually remembered a lot of them! That's the thing I have to really work the hardest at.
Oh, and I met this guy:
Not to be confused with this guy:
(Weird: I couldn't find one picture of them together... Discuss.)
So anyway, it's fun, I'm exhausted, and I had to not work on the film today, despite the fact that they needed and WANTED me back, AND get up 4 hours after I got home from shooting last night because of mother's day. Most people just call their mom, but I had to get up at 8 am, pick up my brother 45 min. out of my way, drive 2.5 hours down there, eat, talk to relatives, drive 2.5 hours back, drop off brother, and try to sleep (yes, so I blog -- hey, my hair is drying). But do I get to lay on the guilt trip this time? Nope, mom does, because we didn't stay long enough. ARGH. I just have to say, and I hope I don't regret putting this out there, that I was getting really choked up reading mother's day cards this year. Because I was overcome with gratitude toward my mother? No, because so many of them were like, "mom, you've always supported me," blah blah blah. My mother does NOT support me and would rather have me work a job I DESPISE and which makes me want to die a quick death instead of this slow, torturous one, instead of pursuing a chance at professional fulfillment (which is the way I choose to find it -- not through breeding and such shit) and for once in my life taking real risks to do what I want to do, because she couldn't stand not having a steady income, so therefore I can't do it (you know, like "I'm cold, put on a sweater"). She goes out of her way EVERY TIME IT COMES UP to mention that this is such a great "hobby" for me. I can understand where she's coming from, where you go through life doing certain shit in a certain order (college, marriage, job, children, DIVORCE, REMARRIAGE, retirement, etc.) because THAT'S JUST WHAT PEOPLE DO, or more accurately, because you're TOO GODDAMN SCARED TO LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE, but I thought I'd gotten through to her that I AM NOT PEOPLE. I AM KRISTINA. I DO THINGS KRISTINA'S WAY, NOT "PEOPLE'S" WAY. IF I DON'T, THEN THERE IS NO POINT TO MY EXISTENCE, IS THERE? And I've been living what I feel is a completely poinless existence the past few years. Seriously, my life has been WITHOUT POINT, and I don't mean that in a suicidal way, I mean that in a way that says it's now or never, time to make a change. So I am attempting to rectify that and create something out of my life that I can be PROUD of. IT'S NOT A MOTHERFUCKING HOBBY. Yes, I am blogging on mother's day about my major, major issues with my mother. That's all I have to say about that, except that if anyone can tell me how, without estranging yourself from your family, to NOT GIVE A SHIT WHAT YOUR MOTHER THINKS EVEN WHILE SHE'S TELLING YOU EXACTLY WHAT SHE THINKS, please let me know. I'm 30 FRICKING years old and she still can do way more than just annoy me. I've done it before and I'll do it again: if I can't talk to her about my life, and talking to her makes me feel bad about myself every time, then I will extricate myself from that negative situation and no longer talk to her. Just because she says it with a smile doesn't mean she doesn't intend to passive-aggressively inflict her shit on me. HOBBY. FUCK YOU. Wow. That's it. I am going to hell, right now, today.
DAMN, was that an ashcan rant. I'm not even the least bit drunk. What a weird entry. Go to bed. I've gotten about 9 hours of sleep in the past two nights put together.
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Eyyyyyyyyyedrropppppps
I just got my eyes checked and they gave me those drops that dilate them. Ick. I can't see and I have a headache.
Sweet sweet sweetness of the total sweetie sweetarama sweetmeisters. That's all I have to say. About the fact that I've gotten ABOUT A BAZILLION responses to my blitzkrieg of e-mails to film people on Sunday. OK, I think I've gotten 4 responses. One actual job (unpaid -- OK, I'll TELL you if it's paid, otherwise assume not, for now) at the Mpls. cable access channel Friday night, and probably/for sure a job on Sat.
See, two of the respondents are actually working on the same thing, so either I'll PA or something (for the 2nd AD, who called me first) OR I'll grip for THE BIGGEST KEY GRIP IN TOWN (as he was advertised to me -- I'm assuming big in respect and getting-of-jobs, etc., more than being some kind of giant man, but whatever), who called me to see if I could work for him on Sat., and it turned out to be the same shoot I'm already in communication with the other gentleman about. :D It's a horror movie! (I won't tell you about my idea for a horror movie that I want to make some day in case someone is reading this and steals my thunder, but I have a location. No plot, script, financing, cast or crew. But a location.)
The Sat. thing is not FOR SURE in that they may be doing overnights (it's a HORROR MOVIE), and I MUST go to my mom's for mother's day (she said I could take this job if I felt I needed to, but I don't think I could deal with the mom guilt for the rest of my life... She is NOT into my freelancing endeavors). But then I realized, hey, my 26-year-old brother just got his driver's permit (to be fair, he did have one at 15), SO... I might end up working all night, get us out of the city and pointed in the direction of "home," then make him drive the rest of the way as I hallucinate and doze off. I will probably be unattractive and spacey (and quite possibly stinky) for mother's day, but at least I'll be there. Take THAT, mom!
So I'm calling Saturday a for-sure job right now.
Wootwootwoot. I don't know when I turned into a l33t nerdo, but woot, I say. Huh-WOOT.
Sweet sweet sweetness of the total sweetie sweetarama sweetmeisters. That's all I have to say. About the fact that I've gotten ABOUT A BAZILLION responses to my blitzkrieg of e-mails to film people on Sunday. OK, I think I've gotten 4 responses. One actual job (unpaid -- OK, I'll TELL you if it's paid, otherwise assume not, for now) at the Mpls. cable access channel Friday night, and probably/for sure a job on Sat.
See, two of the respondents are actually working on the same thing, so either I'll PA or something (for the 2nd AD, who called me first) OR I'll grip for THE BIGGEST KEY GRIP IN TOWN (as he was advertised to me -- I'm assuming big in respect and getting-of-jobs, etc., more than being some kind of giant man, but whatever), who called me to see if I could work for him on Sat., and it turned out to be the same shoot I'm already in communication with the other gentleman about. :D It's a horror movie! (I won't tell you about my idea for a horror movie that I want to make some day in case someone is reading this and steals my thunder, but I have a location. No plot, script, financing, cast or crew. But a location.)
The Sat. thing is not FOR SURE in that they may be doing overnights (it's a HORROR MOVIE), and I MUST go to my mom's for mother's day (she said I could take this job if I felt I needed to, but I don't think I could deal with the mom guilt for the rest of my life... She is NOT into my freelancing endeavors). But then I realized, hey, my 26-year-old brother just got his driver's permit (to be fair, he did have one at 15), SO... I might end up working all night, get us out of the city and pointed in the direction of "home," then make him drive the rest of the way as I hallucinate and doze off. I will probably be unattractive and spacey (and quite possibly stinky) for mother's day, but at least I'll be there. Take THAT, mom!
So I'm calling Saturday a for-sure job right now.
Wootwootwoot. I don't know when I turned into a l33t nerdo, but woot, I say. Huh-WOOT.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Killer Death Hockey from Hell
Well, I just realized S. linked to me from her site. (OK, S, I have to agree with you -- you have too much internetty stuff going on and I keep forgetting some of them exist! But I'm probably just jealous because the internets don't hate you like they hate me.) And she said something about my writings covering the underbelly of Mpls. filmmaking, street hockey and cat farts.
Nothing to report on #3, thank god.
Filmmaking? GodDAMN it, the director I last worked with just told me to add him to my myspace, when I asked him if I can work on his next project. NOOOOOOOooooooooOOOOOOOOooooooooooO! I hate myspace! So very much! But perhaps it's time to scrap the rantings I started there and start over with something I actually want the general world to see. UGH. But if it can get me jobs... ... ... I'm going to have to sleep on that one.
But I haven't really updated with the whole floor hockey thing! It's great. Last week my friend from work who also starts with an S came, and that was nice for several reasons: not being the only girl and having a friend I know a little better were really nice. We MIGHT get some more girls this Sat. (but S won't be there). I do feel brave, though -- there have been other potential female players who simply will not play if they're the only girl. I guess one showed up last Sat. when I wasn't there and refused to play. Come on, ladies! Let's not let them think we're THAT way.
However, after last night, I can't blame any of the ladies too much for being girl weenies. All I can say is OWIE. I got so beat up! Guys, we girls did not grow up pounding on each other for fun and recreation, and we certainly do not wrestle with each other now, or whatever you people do. I'm trying really hard to be tough shit here, but STOP HITTING ME!
OK, I admit: I'm kind of OK with it. Because if they're gonna hit me, man, I'm gonna HIT BACK. And let me tell you, I have thirty years of pent-up anger toward men... Not to be a feminazi (ha), but I've defintely been on the shit end of the deal for a while now. So watch out, boys, the gloves ar coming OFF! HAAHAhAHahahahahahaaaaaa.
But. I feel like shit today. I usually only get slightly sore muscles, but I have injury-related pains in my right shin (I got hit HARD by a stick when one guy tackled -- I didn't know there was tackling in hockey! -- another and I got in the way; it turned into a dark bruise within seconds, then a large welt, and oh, it hurt to run), my left wrist and hand, right shoulder, left knee, and one elbow was hurting earlier. Oh, and I got jarred so hard on one hit I kind of snapped my jaw shut, so that's a little achy too. And I'm really tired because I always end up staying up too late on hockey nights (start at 7, 2 hrs of hockey, another 2 hours at the bar, 20-min. drive home, feed the cats, shower, then I have to let my hair dry at least halfway, and suddenly it's past 1 am). So I feel pretty crappy today. But I'm excited to play again on Saturday! It'll be outside, which for some reason gets less rough (not as enclosed as the gym), but I still intend to kick some ass.
I'm not sure what got into everyone. Just to be clear, they were attacking each other more than usual too -- it wasn't just "everyone go after the poor chick" night. My calendar says today is a full moon...?
OH, and on Saturday, if there are enough people around to keep an eye on it, I'm bringing my camera and taking pictures so we can start our own floorball web site! We might need a team name now, at least to name our site after... I'll let you know if we get that going -- maybe I'll start it up as a blog, since I know how to do one now. Becuz, I know one of the internets, sort of! Ha, and I just realized that *I* will not be on the site if it's my camera! Bwaaahahahaha. It's like driving a stick -- use equipment other people don't know how to operate so you can control the device at all times! (OK, I don't think we have any DP's here, but some of them gotta know how to operate a camera...) I'll have to update on Sunday if I can still move.
Nothing to report on #3, thank god.
Filmmaking? GodDAMN it, the director I last worked with just told me to add him to my myspace, when I asked him if I can work on his next project. NOOOOOOOooooooooOOOOOOOOooooooooooO! I hate myspace! So very much! But perhaps it's time to scrap the rantings I started there and start over with something I actually want the general world to see. UGH. But if it can get me jobs... ... ... I'm going to have to sleep on that one.
But I haven't really updated with the whole floor hockey thing! It's great. Last week my friend from work who also starts with an S came, and that was nice for several reasons: not being the only girl and having a friend I know a little better were really nice. We MIGHT get some more girls this Sat. (but S won't be there). I do feel brave, though -- there have been other potential female players who simply will not play if they're the only girl. I guess one showed up last Sat. when I wasn't there and refused to play. Come on, ladies! Let's not let them think we're THAT way.
However, after last night, I can't blame any of the ladies too much for being girl weenies. All I can say is OWIE. I got so beat up! Guys, we girls did not grow up pounding on each other for fun and recreation, and we certainly do not wrestle with each other now, or whatever you people do. I'm trying really hard to be tough shit here, but STOP HITTING ME!
OK, I admit: I'm kind of OK with it. Because if they're gonna hit me, man, I'm gonna HIT BACK. And let me tell you, I have thirty years of pent-up anger toward men... Not to be a feminazi (ha), but I've defintely been on the shit end of the deal for a while now. So watch out, boys, the gloves ar coming OFF! HAAHAhAHahahahahahaaaaaa.
But. I feel like shit today. I usually only get slightly sore muscles, but I have injury-related pains in my right shin (I got hit HARD by a stick when one guy tackled -- I didn't know there was tackling in hockey! -- another and I got in the way; it turned into a dark bruise within seconds, then a large welt, and oh, it hurt to run), my left wrist and hand, right shoulder, left knee, and one elbow was hurting earlier. Oh, and I got jarred so hard on one hit I kind of snapped my jaw shut, so that's a little achy too. And I'm really tired because I always end up staying up too late on hockey nights (start at 7, 2 hrs of hockey, another 2 hours at the bar, 20-min. drive home, feed the cats, shower, then I have to let my hair dry at least halfway, and suddenly it's past 1 am). So I feel pretty crappy today. But I'm excited to play again on Saturday! It'll be outside, which for some reason gets less rough (not as enclosed as the gym), but I still intend to kick some ass.
I'm not sure what got into everyone. Just to be clear, they were attacking each other more than usual too -- it wasn't just "everyone go after the poor chick" night. My calendar says today is a full moon...?
OH, and on Saturday, if there are enough people around to keep an eye on it, I'm bringing my camera and taking pictures so we can start our own floorball web site! We might need a team name now, at least to name our site after... I'll let you know if we get that going -- maybe I'll start it up as a blog, since I know how to do one now. Becuz, I know one of the internets, sort of! Ha, and I just realized that *I* will not be on the site if it's my camera! Bwaaahahahaha. It's like driving a stick -- use equipment other people don't know how to operate so you can control the device at all times! (OK, I don't think we have any DP's here, but some of them gotta know how to operate a camera...) I'll have to update on Sunday if I can still move.
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