Worked all day Saturday and 1/2 day (or 3/4, depending on how you look at it) Sunday on a music video and it was AWESOME. I really liked the band (maybe you always do if you work with them? I have to say, musicians kick ass -- the 2 bands I've worked with have been just sweet and pleasant to work with and make you HAPPY to work for free to help with their video -- unlike a few actors I've worked with...). The band is Limbeck, check them out at http://www.myspace.com/limbeck and listen to Big Drag (currently their default song when you get there). I will reiterate -- they were a PLEASURE to work with, totally adorable and sweet guys who worked their asses off and stopped to say thank you when they didn't have TIME for such niceities because we were rolling! Please check their tour schedule too, as they are coming to the town of my one reader and I think you should go -- from what I could tell, they should be really good live. I'm hoping they'll be able to put the video online eventually, but they are on a label, so I don't know how that works (but you can find just about anything on youtube -- or could, until they became google and started getting sued...). I like the song. Actually, I should clarify -- we shot TWO videos, but the other song isn't up there and -- I hope no one sees this and hates me -- the concept just didn't do as much for me. But I am very excited to see both.
Funny: I got the call sheet on Friday afternoon finally, and I was listed as Electrical (job title). Um, that could mean plugging crap in, but I had to ASK what all that entails, being pretty sure it was not a job I should have. It means running a generator if you have on (we didn't), metering I don't know what for power, dealing with blowouts, changing lamps (bulbs), etc. Um. Yeah, I didn't do that. They actually had an electrical problem with the house we were shooting in, and we joked that I better go fix it. We very funny, you know.
I got to do a bunch of radom grippy/PA-y stuff that day, and it was all fun. The key grip was great and hopefully another new contact I can work with more. He got my card before we left. Sweet. This one was more memorable because there was a TON going on and the video is going to be realy cool. The whole thing is in 2 long takes (which will reportedly be edited to look like 1), with the singer walking around, singing his song, and weird things going on around him, kind of a party/circus atmosphere. There are 360 degree turns and all kinds of quick changes -- he walks out and the band is playing at one side of the yard. The camera turns to another guy very briefly, and comes back to the entire band now on dollies rolling across the yard. The camera follows the singer into the street, where he's suddenly joined by the band playing different instruments. There are people all around doing all kinds of things and NO CREW popping into the frame ;) Done all handheld. I saw some of it on the monitor and it looked great.
Sunday was my Big Day, though. I was the dolly grip! You don't understand the implications of this situation, so I will explain it to you. We shot on 35mm. I have never done a damn thing on 35, probably because no one uses it except frigging Hollywood (that might be a slight exaggeration, but I'm not even sure). I can't find it just now, but I once saw a comparative cost estimate per minute of video, 16mm & 35mm, and it costs exponentially more. Only 2 other things I've done have even used 16 -- a lot is going to video now. So we have THREE ROLLS of film at less than 4 min each. The song is longer than each roll, so they have to stagger it. There is ONE TAKE per shot (OK, I'm not 100% with the terminology yet -- you set up, practice your ass off, do ONE TAKE, and that's it, then you set up the next thing you're going to film).
We were shooting in a bar, with the dolly behind the bar and the band sitting at the bar. OH, perhaps I should explain that a dolly is a truck thingy that, in this case, carries the camera and operator back and forth so the camera can pan across a certain space. It has a handle thing to push/pull it which is this case was NOT RIGID (makes it harder not to jerk when you start and stop). It can be on a set track or just wheels so you roll around. There wasn't enough room for track behind the bar (if you need a full description of how much more it sucks running a dolly without track than with, I can tell you, beause I've done each once now). We also didn't have quite the proper flooring, called dance floor, which I would imagine is pretty thick and I know is very smooth. We used 1/4" luan, the flimsiest crap known to man ;) (I don't know if it's ever used in any sort of real construction -- I would guess mostly temporary set walls? I suppose it's plywood, as it is in plies, but it's floppy, man) So we had that flimsy stuff on a 100 year old floor (my est.) with uneven rubber matting under it and a NOTICEABLE indentation toward one end. And I had to push this thing back and forth for almost 4 minutes and be TOTALLY SMOOTH THE WHOLE TIME OR THE MOST EXPENSIVE SHOT I'VE EVER WORKED ON WOULD BE RUNIED. Oh my god! I think I did OK. People told me I did OK. I'm still freaked out. But don't get me wrong, it was the kind of freaked out that's fun and exciting while also making you pee your pants ;)
Anyway, that's about it. Worked with a couple other people I worked with before, met a few new people I hope I get to work with more, maybe even made a new friend... (Shout out to Amy, CIA agent, in case we ever are friends and she reads this ;) ). Good times.
I also learned that if I am EVER in a position to specialize (ha), I want to do music videos as much as possible. I mean, I like features and shorts and would gladly take money to do commercials and anything else (yes, even reality TV, probably), but my favorite so far is definitely music videos. I'm going to keep bugging this director too, because he does a lot of them, and as the guy who referred me to him said -- and I agree from what I know -- he seems to be really up-and-coming.
So there's my ashcan rave -- it's so good to have a REALLY good film experience once or twice a year to remind me, THIS is why I'm doing this! Not that I ever really doubt why I am, but the really good experiences make it clear that I have to do whatever it takes to do this for a living, so I can actually wake up at 6 and say, godDAMN, it's early -- but I'm makin' a VIDEO today!
Monday, March 26, 2007
Thursday, March 22, 2007
I want stuff
So I'm torn between my own petty materialism and my dreams of freelancing in the world of filmmaking. I gots a weakness for stuff. Not fancy stuff. Primarily used cheap furniture that I can paint or refinish, things like that. I'm really into making my home a nice place of my own design that's pleasant for me to live in. I wish I was just a gutterpunk to whom a chair is nothing but a sitting utensil, and if it's comfy at all that's just bonus. But noooo, I want a cute chair :( I blame my mother.
It all started (woobly-woop, woobly-woop) last week when my landlord, who lives downstairs, told me that his girlfriend is allergic to me living here now that I have 2 cats. 1 was OK, but 2 is not now. (After they approved me getting 2nd cat, and I am the kind of person who WILL NOT give the cat back for my own convenience, so that means all 3 of us are packing up our toys and gettin' the hell out, which I told him.) However, he said I am not kicked out yet, because things aren't going that well with them, and, well, they could break up any minute. (Oh yes, I hear the fighting.) So by fall either they will a) be broken up, so I can presumably stay, or b) be together forevah and buy a bigger house (it is dang small down there). Which leaves me... Looking around at apartments now, because by fall they're only going to get more scarce and more expensive and I'll be more desperate and then what? I'm sure they'll break up eventually, but I'm not sure they will by fall. They strike me as the masochistic types who will stay in a miserable relationship for years, making each other's lives hell.
Now, for the record, I am an evil bitch, because I would rather stay here, and I secretly hope they break up. I know... I'm BAD! I don't care about them, I just want my apartment! Or, you could say, I care about them and I SEE that they're UNHAPPY, and I just want them to be HAPPY! (Yeah, that one, sure.)
But I just found a place that is slightly less retardedly overpriced than most (hard to find ANYTHING in a 1-bd for less than $700 these days, but studios are mostly well over $500 -- and I must have my sleeping room able to be closed off from at least an equal-sized other room, because Neko pokes me in the head when I'm sleeping and I have to shut him out or I don't sleep!) It's technically a 2-bd (but one is supertiny -- office or workspace for me) for less than most 1-bds. It's in a weird area, but I think OK crime-wise (just not very residential except this small enclave of apt. buildings. More industrial, buildings with shipping docks and stuff. Nice coffee shops nearby, though, and a couple blocks from the film production/lab/rental/networking place I might join), and very centrally located to my current job and the metro area in general for freelancing. Very close to the main interstate that it takes me 10-15 min. to get to now. Basically, it's the only area I'm aware of that would work well both for where I work now AND the rest of the civilized, filmmaking metro (ahem, Minneapolis). BUT it's $615, which is a lot. But cheaper than any 1-bds I've found that aren't in the total ghetto. So I kind of want it. I'm going to just look at it next week.
However, it's really big -- living room, bedroom, dining room, 2nd bedroom thingy, kitchen, bathroom and balcony. I don't have that much stuff, I live in a studio! So I look on craigslist and I find all this cheap furniture I want. I have no immediate intention to live in this place, but I've got a dinette set, a patio set and a couch picked out! (All that for $155, however. I heart craigslist.) But $615 plus electricity plus internet (must have for freelancing) will be at least $675. Right now I pay $475 for all that! I'm fretting. Maybe I'll have some chocolate quick...
Ack, Neko has been staring at an invisible spot on the wall for like 10 minutes! Cats are creepy.
Damn, the chocolate didn't help. Now I just feel fat and fretty. But I do have the delicious taste of chocolate and creamy caramel in my mouth.
So if I kept this job I could afford that apt. no problem. But then of course I would die inside. I don't know when I'll be at the point where I can quit, however. I'm told I should break down and get roommates if I freelance. Well, cats are a monkey wrench there (no pun intended, as Neko is a monkey boy), as does my inherent hatred for people. Nooooo, I love people -- in smaller doses and when I KNOW I CAN ESCAPE AT ANY TIME. You lock me into a 12-month lease with some freakezoid and I canNOT be held responsible for my actions. No, truly, I jest, but it's about my mental wellbeing -- the times in my life when I've been the least happy, most depressed, most felt like I was waiting for my life to come along, because this day-to-day shit CANNOT be it, were when I lived with people. I need my space, BAD. And let's just say that I am no longer anything resembling friends with any of the 6 roommates I've had in my life. That's not even a coincidence, that's a direct causal relationship. If I'm around people too much, I stop liking them. Another reason I do not have a boyfriend.
(On a side note, I was thinking about past ones the other day and just wondering idly, what if? And the thought freaked the crap out of me. What if I was still with one of them now, say 5-10 years later? Holy shit, NO! There is no question in my mind that I would be miserable right now, and that I would NOT be pursuing my dreams in any fashion, even if it currently is a little weak. Misery does not love company -- you can get lonely at times when you're by yourself, but it's nothing like the hell of either loving someone who doesn't love you back enough, or discovering you don't love someone you thought you did or were supposed to -- or the even worse alternatives, finding out everything is a lie or realizing they were using you all along. UGH, my stomach turns just thinking about it.)
So what do I do now? I rant. Because what else is there?
I'll go look at the place... I've been wanting an apartment I could see myself staying in long-term. I'll never buy a house (yeah, commitment problems, anyone?), but I would like a place I feel like I'll stay with for a while, now that I'm an old adult-type person, plus moving sucks. I really want a room I can do art/craft crap in (hard to do with cats -- pawprints are not cute when they're permanent), and to me for some reason, the difference between an apartment and a home seems to be a dining room. Basically, this apartment is everything I've been wanting. So maybe it's fate.
GOD, someone in here's got gas, and it is not me. I can't tell which one it's coming from, but EW. Pew steenky boyz!
It all started (woobly-woop, woobly-woop) last week when my landlord, who lives downstairs, told me that his girlfriend is allergic to me living here now that I have 2 cats. 1 was OK, but 2 is not now. (After they approved me getting 2nd cat, and I am the kind of person who WILL NOT give the cat back for my own convenience, so that means all 3 of us are packing up our toys and gettin' the hell out, which I told him.) However, he said I am not kicked out yet, because things aren't going that well with them, and, well, they could break up any minute. (Oh yes, I hear the fighting.) So by fall either they will a) be broken up, so I can presumably stay, or b) be together forevah and buy a bigger house (it is dang small down there). Which leaves me... Looking around at apartments now, because by fall they're only going to get more scarce and more expensive and I'll be more desperate and then what? I'm sure they'll break up eventually, but I'm not sure they will by fall. They strike me as the masochistic types who will stay in a miserable relationship for years, making each other's lives hell.
Now, for the record, I am an evil bitch, because I would rather stay here, and I secretly hope they break up. I know... I'm BAD! I don't care about them, I just want my apartment! Or, you could say, I care about them and I SEE that they're UNHAPPY, and I just want them to be HAPPY! (Yeah, that one, sure.)
But I just found a place that is slightly less retardedly overpriced than most (hard to find ANYTHING in a 1-bd for less than $700 these days, but studios are mostly well over $500 -- and I must have my sleeping room able to be closed off from at least an equal-sized other room, because Neko pokes me in the head when I'm sleeping and I have to shut him out or I don't sleep!) It's technically a 2-bd (but one is supertiny -- office or workspace for me) for less than most 1-bds. It's in a weird area, but I think OK crime-wise (just not very residential except this small enclave of apt. buildings. More industrial, buildings with shipping docks and stuff. Nice coffee shops nearby, though, and a couple blocks from the film production/lab/rental/networking place I might join), and very centrally located to my current job and the metro area in general for freelancing. Very close to the main interstate that it takes me 10-15 min. to get to now. Basically, it's the only area I'm aware of that would work well both for where I work now AND the rest of the civilized, filmmaking metro (ahem, Minneapolis). BUT it's $615, which is a lot. But cheaper than any 1-bds I've found that aren't in the total ghetto. So I kind of want it. I'm going to just look at it next week.
However, it's really big -- living room, bedroom, dining room, 2nd bedroom thingy, kitchen, bathroom and balcony. I don't have that much stuff, I live in a studio! So I look on craigslist and I find all this cheap furniture I want. I have no immediate intention to live in this place, but I've got a dinette set, a patio set and a couch picked out! (All that for $155, however. I heart craigslist.) But $615 plus electricity plus internet (must have for freelancing) will be at least $675. Right now I pay $475 for all that! I'm fretting. Maybe I'll have some chocolate quick...
Ack, Neko has been staring at an invisible spot on the wall for like 10 minutes! Cats are creepy.
Damn, the chocolate didn't help. Now I just feel fat and fretty. But I do have the delicious taste of chocolate and creamy caramel in my mouth.
So if I kept this job I could afford that apt. no problem. But then of course I would die inside. I don't know when I'll be at the point where I can quit, however. I'm told I should break down and get roommates if I freelance. Well, cats are a monkey wrench there (no pun intended, as Neko is a monkey boy), as does my inherent hatred for people. Nooooo, I love people -- in smaller doses and when I KNOW I CAN ESCAPE AT ANY TIME. You lock me into a 12-month lease with some freakezoid and I canNOT be held responsible for my actions. No, truly, I jest, but it's about my mental wellbeing -- the times in my life when I've been the least happy, most depressed, most felt like I was waiting for my life to come along, because this day-to-day shit CANNOT be it, were when I lived with people. I need my space, BAD. And let's just say that I am no longer anything resembling friends with any of the 6 roommates I've had in my life. That's not even a coincidence, that's a direct causal relationship. If I'm around people too much, I stop liking them. Another reason I do not have a boyfriend.
(On a side note, I was thinking about past ones the other day and just wondering idly, what if? And the thought freaked the crap out of me. What if I was still with one of them now, say 5-10 years later? Holy shit, NO! There is no question in my mind that I would be miserable right now, and that I would NOT be pursuing my dreams in any fashion, even if it currently is a little weak. Misery does not love company -- you can get lonely at times when you're by yourself, but it's nothing like the hell of either loving someone who doesn't love you back enough, or discovering you don't love someone you thought you did or were supposed to -- or the even worse alternatives, finding out everything is a lie or realizing they were using you all along. UGH, my stomach turns just thinking about it.)
So what do I do now? I rant. Because what else is there?
I'll go look at the place... I've been wanting an apartment I could see myself staying in long-term. I'll never buy a house (yeah, commitment problems, anyone?), but I would like a place I feel like I'll stay with for a while, now that I'm an old adult-type person, plus moving sucks. I really want a room I can do art/craft crap in (hard to do with cats -- pawprints are not cute when they're permanent), and to me for some reason, the difference between an apartment and a home seems to be a dining room. Basically, this apartment is everything I've been wanting. So maybe it's fate.
GOD, someone in here's got gas, and it is not me. I can't tell which one it's coming from, but EW. Pew steenky boyz!
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
I am not wearing green! But by now it's well after St. Patrick's anyway :D
I
WON
THE
CONEST!
I got $440!
More importantly, I lost 28 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fork rhymes with dork!
And finally, perhaps, I will stop talking about the stupid contest and losting effing weight :D
I
WON
THE
CONEST!
I got $440!
More importantly, I lost 28 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fork rhymes with dork!
And finally, perhaps, I will stop talking about the stupid contest and losting effing weight :D
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Fear and Loathing
Not really, it was pretty standard and very fun. There were, however, a few trippy items: there was apparently a Santa Claus convention in our hotel (old men with long white beards and jolly bellies wearing conspicuously red clothes), and I found that the whatever street "experience" (starts with an F -- WHY can't I remember? Fremont?!) while extremely drunk just cannot be described. There were eyes on the ceiling (but we were outside...!), loud music, too many people... Oh, and of course Circus Circus is trippy, but it's a little obvious in its attempt. Also, although clearly based on it, I thought the casino in Fear and Loathing that Raoul Duke and his attorney go to while on an ether binge WAS Circus Circus. Imagine my disappointment to find that the acrobats were not performing bizarre acts directly overhead over a net above the casino floor, the rotating carousel bar in the middle turns so slowly it's almost imperceptible, and you do not walk through a crazy clown's mouth to enter the building. Drat.
Other than that, good times were had by all (well, I assume by all -- I had a good time). Very very tired now, and oh, look, I've wasted time until 1:22 am. But I get to sleep as late as I want tomorrow! As long as I go to the gym. Because I gained back some weight on the trip... And the contest is going to be closer than I thought...
One person is actually ahead of me by 2 percentage points (we're going off percent of original weight) which at this point (1 week left) would proably be impossible, BUT, he happens to be in Las Vegas right now, for longer than I was there, and he makes way more money than me, so he can eat buffets every day, AND he's reportedly a big eater. So it may be possible, but it's scary. If I can lose 3 lbs. in the next week, I might make it. I'm going to the gym every day and eating uberhealthy. The other closest person that I KNOW of is 1% behind me but has reportly given up and started eating bad food a lot. But she drove home 2 points -- she was already I think about 125 (and didn't need to lose weight, but did have a little teeny bit of chub, so fine, let her play) so you can't even tell by looking at her easily that she lost weight. So there may be other sneaky people. Plus the guy who's ahead of me works next door and no one knew he lost any weight (30 lbs. in addition to 20 he lost before the contest started, is the rumor), so who knows what other sneaky people are over there. Oh, point #2 is that life is fucking unfair. Miss 1% behind me hasn't eaten NEARLY as healthy as I have (I've seen her eat a TON of crap at work), and she plays down how much she works out, and she always ate a lot more than me, and she's thinner! So that sucks, but what are you gonna do.
ANYWAY, I'm just saying, I might not win. I'm trying to prep myself for that, since I was SO sure I was going to lose 30 lbs. and win hands-down. I'm still going to keep on the diet and everything after the contest, but I would REALLY like $440 for new clothes, etc. Sigh. I admit I'll be glad when I can stop obsessing about this!
But the good news is that since everyone at work went to the bar tonight and didn't invite me, at least they were all getting fat while I walked 6.5 miles after doing 20 min. on the eliptical.
:P
Still haven't heard anything from the job I applied for, so I'm going to start bugging them on Monday. And I need to call a DP I worked with at one time, who sounds like he's willing to give me some advice on going freelance if I don't get this job. I don't think I've mentioned it here, so if for posterity later I'm like, what job was that?, this is the Shop NBC full-time, permanent grip job. Not necessarily my artistic ideal, so when I was applying I was all relaxed, eh, I'll get it or I won't (and no idea how much it pays). But now I REALLY want it. So, much like the weight loss contest, I will probably NOT get it now. But I have to get out of this stupid job, so if this doesn't work, I HAVE to get my ass in gear on the freelancing thing.
So yeah, I turned 30. I've been a little crabby. Not necessarily crabbier than usual, but more than I should be after a fun vacation. The night that it hit midnight and became my b-day we were sitting on a crappy shuttle bus and were both VERY overtired from the Grand Canyon, and Joe was being a jerk, and I got very depressed. Then he tried to be nice and I hated him more. I was fine by morning, but I think the feelings are still there. I haven't really accomplished ANYFUCKINGTHING in life. But that's a rant for another day, or maybe never.
Oh, on a somewhat unrelated note, I don't know if I've mentioned to you, dear reader (and you know who you are, because you're the only one who reads this), but Neko's middle name is Stockton, which is the S. in Hunter S. Thompson. I just remembered that (because who thinks about their cat's middle name often?) because we were watching Fear and Loathing and Neko took great interest in it. He used to watch TV a lot, but not that much anymore. Mikey doesn't have a middle name yet, but when I think of something fitting he shall. But I wonder if, because I didn't name him Mikey, it might not be right to give him a middle name. ??? We'll see.
Also, I'm trying not to be all dramatic about it, but I had a weird thing happen. I got a mystery birthday wish on my work phone, saying, "if you want to know who this is, call this # back." So I did and got his voicemail, and let's say his name was Frank (which it isn't, that's the bunny rabbit in Donnie Darko), and I had no idea who the hell Frank was. Well, I finally figured out that it's FRANK, you know, Frank -- someone I used to work with (at the current job) whose birthday is a week after mine. How nice of him to remember! (Yet strange in that I didn't even think of him at first when I was racking my brain trying to think of ANY Frank I'd ever met.) Anyway, I have ALWAYS felt like he's trying to ask me out -- he calls me cutie or hottie all the time when he stops by work, always asks if I'm still single, just a lot of stuff. But I figured he was just nice (yes, it sounds smarmier here than it does when we're talking -- sort of). Well, this time he kept saying that he's been thinking about me a lot lately and how much it brightened his day to talk to me and stuff. I haven't seen the guy since at least June (because he changed jobs then and doesn't come into my work anymore) and only worked with him for a few months like 3 years ago. I have to admit, I had forgotten he existed. OH, so yeah, get to the point -- the reason this is weirding me out a bit is primarily because HE'S MARRIED. I mean, I don't think I'm interested anyway, but he is a nice guy, and the point is that it disgusts me that guys are like that! "Nice" ones, no less! I know, people have told me before how naive I am, thinking married people don't do that kind of thing... Anyway, I'm trying to make it a non-dilemma by assuming I won't talk to him for 6 months at a time and it won't matter. But it makes me feel somewhat icky.
Well, there's my long diatribe of the day. Diarrhea of the mind or something like that. Toodle-fucking-oo!
Other than that, good times were had by all (well, I assume by all -- I had a good time). Very very tired now, and oh, look, I've wasted time until 1:22 am. But I get to sleep as late as I want tomorrow! As long as I go to the gym. Because I gained back some weight on the trip... And the contest is going to be closer than I thought...
One person is actually ahead of me by 2 percentage points (we're going off percent of original weight) which at this point (1 week left) would proably be impossible, BUT, he happens to be in Las Vegas right now, for longer than I was there, and he makes way more money than me, so he can eat buffets every day, AND he's reportedly a big eater. So it may be possible, but it's scary. If I can lose 3 lbs. in the next week, I might make it. I'm going to the gym every day and eating uberhealthy. The other closest person that I KNOW of is 1% behind me but has reportly given up and started eating bad food a lot. But she drove home 2 points -- she was already I think about 125 (and didn't need to lose weight, but did have a little teeny bit of chub, so fine, let her play) so you can't even tell by looking at her easily that she lost weight. So there may be other sneaky people. Plus the guy who's ahead of me works next door and no one knew he lost any weight (30 lbs. in addition to 20 he lost before the contest started, is the rumor), so who knows what other sneaky people are over there. Oh, point #2 is that life is fucking unfair. Miss 1% behind me hasn't eaten NEARLY as healthy as I have (I've seen her eat a TON of crap at work), and she plays down how much she works out, and she always ate a lot more than me, and she's thinner! So that sucks, but what are you gonna do.
ANYWAY, I'm just saying, I might not win. I'm trying to prep myself for that, since I was SO sure I was going to lose 30 lbs. and win hands-down. I'm still going to keep on the diet and everything after the contest, but I would REALLY like $440 for new clothes, etc. Sigh. I admit I'll be glad when I can stop obsessing about this!
But the good news is that since everyone at work went to the bar tonight and didn't invite me, at least they were all getting fat while I walked 6.5 miles after doing 20 min. on the eliptical.
:P
Still haven't heard anything from the job I applied for, so I'm going to start bugging them on Monday. And I need to call a DP I worked with at one time, who sounds like he's willing to give me some advice on going freelance if I don't get this job. I don't think I've mentioned it here, so if for posterity later I'm like, what job was that?, this is the Shop NBC full-time, permanent grip job. Not necessarily my artistic ideal, so when I was applying I was all relaxed, eh, I'll get it or I won't (and no idea how much it pays). But now I REALLY want it. So, much like the weight loss contest, I will probably NOT get it now. But I have to get out of this stupid job, so if this doesn't work, I HAVE to get my ass in gear on the freelancing thing.
So yeah, I turned 30. I've been a little crabby. Not necessarily crabbier than usual, but more than I should be after a fun vacation. The night that it hit midnight and became my b-day we were sitting on a crappy shuttle bus and were both VERY overtired from the Grand Canyon, and Joe was being a jerk, and I got very depressed. Then he tried to be nice and I hated him more. I was fine by morning, but I think the feelings are still there. I haven't really accomplished ANYFUCKINGTHING in life. But that's a rant for another day, or maybe never.
Oh, on a somewhat unrelated note, I don't know if I've mentioned to you, dear reader (and you know who you are, because you're the only one who reads this), but Neko's middle name is Stockton, which is the S. in Hunter S. Thompson. I just remembered that (because who thinks about their cat's middle name often?) because we were watching Fear and Loathing and Neko took great interest in it. He used to watch TV a lot, but not that much anymore. Mikey doesn't have a middle name yet, but when I think of something fitting he shall. But I wonder if, because I didn't name him Mikey, it might not be right to give him a middle name. ??? We'll see.
Also, I'm trying not to be all dramatic about it, but I had a weird thing happen. I got a mystery birthday wish on my work phone, saying, "if you want to know who this is, call this # back." So I did and got his voicemail, and let's say his name was Frank (which it isn't, that's the bunny rabbit in Donnie Darko), and I had no idea who the hell Frank was. Well, I finally figured out that it's FRANK, you know, Frank -- someone I used to work with (at the current job) whose birthday is a week after mine. How nice of him to remember! (Yet strange in that I didn't even think of him at first when I was racking my brain trying to think of ANY Frank I'd ever met.) Anyway, I have ALWAYS felt like he's trying to ask me out -- he calls me cutie or hottie all the time when he stops by work, always asks if I'm still single, just a lot of stuff. But I figured he was just nice (yes, it sounds smarmier here than it does when we're talking -- sort of). Well, this time he kept saying that he's been thinking about me a lot lately and how much it brightened his day to talk to me and stuff. I haven't seen the guy since at least June (because he changed jobs then and doesn't come into my work anymore) and only worked with him for a few months like 3 years ago. I have to admit, I had forgotten he existed. OH, so yeah, get to the point -- the reason this is weirding me out a bit is primarily because HE'S MARRIED. I mean, I don't think I'm interested anyway, but he is a nice guy, and the point is that it disgusts me that guys are like that! "Nice" ones, no less! I know, people have told me before how naive I am, thinking married people don't do that kind of thing... Anyway, I'm trying to make it a non-dilemma by assuming I won't talk to him for 6 months at a time and it won't matter. But it makes me feel somewhat icky.
Well, there's my long diatribe of the day. Diarrhea of the mind or something like that. Toodle-fucking-oo!
Sunday, February 25, 2007
I'm so money and I don't even know it
It's the late Sunday night, I-gotta-go-to-bed-but-I-slept-too-late-this-morning post.
So after all my pissing and moaning, I'm going to Las Vegas for a real vacation! Sweet. I will amend my earlier rant to clarify that I'm OK with the money I make now (just disturbed that it doesn't go farther), I'm just not prepared to start over making sheyat. And regardless of what I make, I deserve a raise. But I digress.
Anyway, Vegas, baby, Vegas! Very excited. Celebrating the big 3-0 and everything. Going to drive to the Grand Canyon and take a look at that too! Long drive for a short visit, but my traveling companion wants to go, and the GC is definitely on my top 10 places in the US to see before I die. So now I can die a little sooner.
God, my eating schedule is all messed up too -- I'm hungry, but it's 11, which is just too late to eat.
I didn't get as much done as I'd hoped in terms of shopping and/or working out before my trip
(oh, I hope this doesn't cause me to lose the fat contest), because we just got shat upon with snow. I don't think it ended up being anywhere near the 12-18" they predicted, but it's hard to tell looking out the window. I have not ventured out. But it's enough that note to self, I better get up early tomorrow to dig out so I make it to work on time. Or not, whatev.
Which leads me to the fact that I am at a minimum one reference verification away from applying for a real-live full-time permanent film job (well, no, it's TV). Not going into details right now, but along with everything else that's bad timing right now, this is as well (being that I'm going to submit it then leave for a vacation soon thereafter), but whatev to that too. It'll work it out if it's supposed to. I'm a little underqualified, not sure this is the type of work I want to do for the rest of my life, and I have no idea how much they pay -- which should mean my interview will go GREAT, since I'm not really dying to get the job. I mean, I am excited about it, but at the same time, part of me is sort of rolling my eyes -- OK, the small detail I will go into is that it's a home shopping channel type of thing. But at this point it's more about the experience and the people/working conditions. If those are good, I don't care what the content is so much.
Anyway, that's what I've been doing. Working on the res. and cov. let. I cannot tell you how much I HATE doing this crap, but this time it wasn't as painful. I wasn't pretending I really want some shitty job that I don't want, worrying that the desperation to get out of my current job is showing. I actually wrote a real, heartfelt letter explaining my real feelings about how I'd truly like the job. That's a new one. I do think I need to study up before the interview -- with my sporadic work, even the stuff I do know needs to be refreshed. I can set up several different kinds of lights with no problem, but I can't remember what they're called. (It does NOT help that they're all called "minis," "babies," "baby babies," etc. Extension cords are stingers. Clothes pins are C37's or something like that. It's a little ridic.)
Shit, I'm so freaking out of it, I just heard on the BBC radio (via NPR) that Martin Scorsese just won an Oscar for some movie I haven't even heard of. Go Martin.
So goodbye, all my fans who read this religiously (HAHAHAHAHAHA). I will probably not be blogging for the next 2 weeks. Since I have to work my ass off, literally, at the gym, and pack and all that crap. Woohoo! Speaking of working my ass off, I just have to add my newest thing. I was trying on my skinny clothes and seeing how I looked. Since my upper body seems to have lost more weight than my lower (and I was worried it would be the other way around because I've been doing mostly just elliptical and treadmill!), I feel more conscious of the fatness of my ass than I was before, when it was twice as big. Because my top half was also fat, and I didn't look at myself that closely. Anyway, it's weird to be both excited about losing weight and more critical of the size of one's ass than ever all at the same time. On that note, buhbye!
So after all my pissing and moaning, I'm going to Las Vegas for a real vacation! Sweet. I will amend my earlier rant to clarify that I'm OK with the money I make now (just disturbed that it doesn't go farther), I'm just not prepared to start over making sheyat. And regardless of what I make, I deserve a raise. But I digress.
Anyway, Vegas, baby, Vegas! Very excited. Celebrating the big 3-0 and everything. Going to drive to the Grand Canyon and take a look at that too! Long drive for a short visit, but my traveling companion wants to go, and the GC is definitely on my top 10 places in the US to see before I die. So now I can die a little sooner.
God, my eating schedule is all messed up too -- I'm hungry, but it's 11, which is just too late to eat.
I didn't get as much done as I'd hoped in terms of shopping and/or working out before my trip
(oh, I hope this doesn't cause me to lose the fat contest), because we just got shat upon with snow. I don't think it ended up being anywhere near the 12-18" they predicted, but it's hard to tell looking out the window. I have not ventured out. But it's enough that note to self, I better get up early tomorrow to dig out so I make it to work on time. Or not, whatev.
Which leads me to the fact that I am at a minimum one reference verification away from applying for a real-live full-time permanent film job (well, no, it's TV). Not going into details right now, but along with everything else that's bad timing right now, this is as well (being that I'm going to submit it then leave for a vacation soon thereafter), but whatev to that too. It'll work it out if it's supposed to. I'm a little underqualified, not sure this is the type of work I want to do for the rest of my life, and I have no idea how much they pay -- which should mean my interview will go GREAT, since I'm not really dying to get the job. I mean, I am excited about it, but at the same time, part of me is sort of rolling my eyes -- OK, the small detail I will go into is that it's a home shopping channel type of thing. But at this point it's more about the experience and the people/working conditions. If those are good, I don't care what the content is so much.
Anyway, that's what I've been doing. Working on the res. and cov. let. I cannot tell you how much I HATE doing this crap, but this time it wasn't as painful. I wasn't pretending I really want some shitty job that I don't want, worrying that the desperation to get out of my current job is showing. I actually wrote a real, heartfelt letter explaining my real feelings about how I'd truly like the job. That's a new one. I do think I need to study up before the interview -- with my sporadic work, even the stuff I do know needs to be refreshed. I can set up several different kinds of lights with no problem, but I can't remember what they're called. (It does NOT help that they're all called "minis," "babies," "baby babies," etc. Extension cords are stingers. Clothes pins are C37's or something like that. It's a little ridic.)
Shit, I'm so freaking out of it, I just heard on the BBC radio (via NPR) that Martin Scorsese just won an Oscar for some movie I haven't even heard of. Go Martin.
So goodbye, all my fans who read this religiously (HAHAHAHAHAHA). I will probably not be blogging for the next 2 weeks. Since I have to work my ass off, literally, at the gym, and pack and all that crap. Woohoo! Speaking of working my ass off, I just have to add my newest thing. I was trying on my skinny clothes and seeing how I looked. Since my upper body seems to have lost more weight than my lower (and I was worried it would be the other way around because I've been doing mostly just elliptical and treadmill!), I feel more conscious of the fatness of my ass than I was before, when it was twice as big. Because my top half was also fat, and I didn't look at myself that closely. Anyway, it's weird to be both excited about losing weight and more critical of the size of one's ass than ever all at the same time. On that note, buhbye!
Sunday, February 18, 2007
I'm sick now
I don't know if it was my walk outside, my choice to sit in a movie theater full of god knows how many sick people (I don't go to movies at theaters very often -- weird for a film geek, I know -- but it's more because of the cost and the fact that the public ANNOYS me than germophobia...), or the fact that I had a couple drinks last night, but damn, I don't feel well. What's funny is I was just telling my friend last night that I thank exercising and eating well for the fact that I haven't been sick in Jan/Feb (usually I'm sick ALL of Jan/Feb), and about 10 hours after I said that, I was laid up. I'm using nasal spray from my last sinus infection in hopes that it doesn't turn into another one. I didn't work out, clean my apartment or do laundry today :( And I'm hungry and have nothing to eat that doesn't involve work. I want to sleep.
It did give me time to lie in bed and research my possible 30th birthday vacation my friend and I decided we should take last night (he was complaining that he has too much money and time off and nothing to do with it -- sometimes I want to smack that kid). Either taking the Amtrak to Chicago or possibly flying to Las Vegas, although the Vegas deals I saw were pretty high for me. Looks like it'll be at least $450 each for airfare, hotel and rental car. :( Looks like we might be able to do Chicago for $200 (train & hotel), but we'll see if that deal is too good to be true. If not, it'll probably be closer to $300. This is what I'm talking about! I can't afford to stay in hotels. Chicago would probably be better also because it would be a shorter trip, so less money spent on other things. 2 nights, probably enough time for the Shedd Aquarium and the modern art museum (I've never been there and LOVE the Art Institute, but J. says the modern one is really nice). And maybe one night eating good food and drinking out (my b-day), one night eating Subway or a pizza & drinking in the room. Too bad J. is a boy -- 2 beds costs a lot more and totally rules out a lot of hotels, but it just wouldn't work out to share... But that's a story for another time. Or not.
It did give me time to lie in bed and research my possible 30th birthday vacation my friend and I decided we should take last night (he was complaining that he has too much money and time off and nothing to do with it -- sometimes I want to smack that kid). Either taking the Amtrak to Chicago or possibly flying to Las Vegas, although the Vegas deals I saw were pretty high for me. Looks like it'll be at least $450 each for airfare, hotel and rental car. :( Looks like we might be able to do Chicago for $200 (train & hotel), but we'll see if that deal is too good to be true. If not, it'll probably be closer to $300. This is what I'm talking about! I can't afford to stay in hotels. Chicago would probably be better also because it would be a shorter trip, so less money spent on other things. 2 nights, probably enough time for the Shedd Aquarium and the modern art museum (I've never been there and LOVE the Art Institute, but J. says the modern one is really nice). And maybe one night eating good food and drinking out (my b-day), one night eating Subway or a pizza & drinking in the room. Too bad J. is a boy -- 2 beds costs a lot more and totally rules out a lot of hotels, but it just wouldn't work out to share... But that's a story for another time. Or not.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Oh, it's not so bad
OK, so obviously among other things, I'm susceptible to the winter blues, seasonal affective disorder, whatever you want to call it. It's been crappy here for a long time -- below-zero temperatures, overcast, bleah. Today it's sunny and they just announced on the radio that it's 24 degrees, which by any other standards is cold, but it's warm enough for me to go for a walk and absorb some vitamin E or whatever. Sun is good.
So I slept until about 10:30, puttered around for a little while, walked up to the coffee shop and read the City Pages while I drank my Americano, then went across the street to the antique shop (I love those places), then I decided the weather was good enough for a relatively long walk. I made it all the way to the river, which is about a mile away. I wasn't sure if I'd make it at first, because the wind was in my face, but once I got going, I didn't want to stop. I was thinking a lot about where I live. Minnesota, St. Paul, the West Side (si-eed), my apartment... I really like it here.
The weather here is... interesting. Contrary to the belief recently expressed to me by someone in Dallas, it's not cold here year-round. In fact, it gets very hot in the summer. When Goatmaiden visited me last summer around the 4th of July, it was mid-90s. We had several days over 100 last summer. Then a couple weeks ago we didn't go above 0 for like 86 hours straight. We've barely broken 10 in 2 weeks. I don't like extremes (I'm almost always too hot or too cold), but for some reason I still dig it here. I'm sort of smug, and some of it comes from traveling around the US and talking to people all over the country in the course of my job -- we're a unique breed here in MN, the Twin Cities having the most extreme temperatures of any major US city. For some reason we still love it here, and I think because of it we have different values than, say, Southern California. Fashion, while not nonexistent here, isn't a huge deal, beacuse half the year you're covered in coats, hats, scarves. We've got a thriving arts community -- maybe because in these long winter months we have a lot of time to stay inside and create. For those who care (I don't), we have professional teams in every sport. Many great colleges and universities. Etc. And it's really beautiful. I love the Mississippi river, which borders both downtowns. Except my year in Massachusetts, I don't think I've ever lived much more than a mile from the river. And I don't think I'd ever want to.
I was thinking about the river today, looking across at downtown St. Paul. It's such a pretty little city, much more historic than Minneapolis (where most of downtown was torn down and rebuilt in the '70s). There's been a recent trend of condos taking over a lot of riverside real estate, which of course I'm not a huge fan of. But I was thinking today that at one time, only rich people in old mansions (or no one, in the case of the downtown side of the river) had a view of the Mississippi. Now at least more people with slightly less money get the views. (I'll never be able to afford one of those condos, and I'm sure they're still quite expensive). And some of them aren't that bad looking. There's one complex right across from where I was standing, though, that should be blown up -- WHY do they paint them in Miami colors? Bright yellow and orange just aren't St. Paul. But... que sera sera.
I really like this neighborhood. West St. Paul is an area that a lot of people don't even know exists. It's the called the west side because it's the "west" side of the river, but because the river ain't straight, it's actually directly south of downtown. Which is pleasantly nonsensical. It's not upscale, it's just a nice working-class place. Very liberal ("wage peace" signs in windows, etc.). Small, nice, old houses. And very little crime. I used to live in north Minneapolis, which is the worst neighborhood in the TC area. My car and house were broken into, someone was shot practically in front of our house, there was a rash of muggings for several months before I left...
The last night I slept there, I was moving stuff to my new place late into the evening. I got home around midnight and there was a large van parked across the street from where I parked that did not belong there -- and it was running, with a guy sitting behind the wheel. I had to walk a little way down a dark alley to my house, and the recent crime rash involved people jumping out of cars, mugging people and/or stealing their cars, and/or kidnapping them (I'm not sure if the last one actually ever happened), especially in dark alleys. I was NOT getting out of my car, so after driving around for about 45 minutes and checking back several times to find the van still there and running, I called 911 for the first and hopefully last time in my life. I felt kind of stupid, but I was tired, I had to pee really bad, and I was so terrified to get out of my car I was in tears.
I never even felt very safe walking around the neighborhood in broad daylight. So west St. Paul was a much needed change. It's also not trendy to live here here, which is fine with me and adds up to some of the most affordable rent you can get in the metro area with almost no fear of crime. It's kind of far from any social life (Uptown, downtown Mpls., etc.), but at least it's close to where I work.
I haven't found anywhere I'd rather live. I loved California (we drove from San Francisco to San Diego, stopping in LA, San Luis Obispo, Big Sur, and places between, so I saw quite a bit of the state), Honolulu, New York, Boston, New Orleans, Portland, even Cleveland (more than Portland, actually, but probably because the same friends I was visiting in both cities like Cleveland more). I could see myself living in any of those places, but I never truly wanted to enough to leave here (yes, I lived in eastern Mass. for a year, but there's a reason I came back). I want to see more of Chicago (didn't really like it there in high school, the last time I was there besides passing through, but I think a lot of my anti-Chicagoism is because you can't go anywhere east of here without passing through Chicago during rush hour, which always sucks), Austin, Philadelphia, Seattle, Vancouver, Las Vegas, Miami -- and I still feel like I should try moving around a little before I get "too old" (although hopefully I'll never be too old) -- but I know I'll always end up back here. Some day, when I'm old and don't care about the nightlife (I'm approaching that already), I actually might want to live in Wisconsin along the river -- maybe Stockholm, a small artsy town about an hour from here. But I really am a city girl, so we'll see.
So I thought it was worth ranting about something good this time. And I'm going to improve my attitude about working in film. It CAN be done, but it will require more of a commitment from me than I've been making, and I've got to start working harder for it. And I fully resolve not to think about my current job when I'm not there. It's not worth it. I'd rather spend my sunny winter walks and think about how much I love living here.
So I slept until about 10:30, puttered around for a little while, walked up to the coffee shop and read the City Pages while I drank my Americano, then went across the street to the antique shop (I love those places), then I decided the weather was good enough for a relatively long walk. I made it all the way to the river, which is about a mile away. I wasn't sure if I'd make it at first, because the wind was in my face, but once I got going, I didn't want to stop. I was thinking a lot about where I live. Minnesota, St. Paul, the West Side (si-eed), my apartment... I really like it here.
The weather here is... interesting. Contrary to the belief recently expressed to me by someone in Dallas, it's not cold here year-round. In fact, it gets very hot in the summer. When Goatmaiden visited me last summer around the 4th of July, it was mid-90s. We had several days over 100 last summer. Then a couple weeks ago we didn't go above 0 for like 86 hours straight. We've barely broken 10 in 2 weeks. I don't like extremes (I'm almost always too hot or too cold), but for some reason I still dig it here. I'm sort of smug, and some of it comes from traveling around the US and talking to people all over the country in the course of my job -- we're a unique breed here in MN, the Twin Cities having the most extreme temperatures of any major US city. For some reason we still love it here, and I think because of it we have different values than, say, Southern California. Fashion, while not nonexistent here, isn't a huge deal, beacuse half the year you're covered in coats, hats, scarves. We've got a thriving arts community -- maybe because in these long winter months we have a lot of time to stay inside and create. For those who care (I don't), we have professional teams in every sport. Many great colleges and universities. Etc. And it's really beautiful. I love the Mississippi river, which borders both downtowns. Except my year in Massachusetts, I don't think I've ever lived much more than a mile from the river. And I don't think I'd ever want to.
I was thinking about the river today, looking across at downtown St. Paul. It's such a pretty little city, much more historic than Minneapolis (where most of downtown was torn down and rebuilt in the '70s). There's been a recent trend of condos taking over a lot of riverside real estate, which of course I'm not a huge fan of. But I was thinking today that at one time, only rich people in old mansions (or no one, in the case of the downtown side of the river) had a view of the Mississippi. Now at least more people with slightly less money get the views. (I'll never be able to afford one of those condos, and I'm sure they're still quite expensive). And some of them aren't that bad looking. There's one complex right across from where I was standing, though, that should be blown up -- WHY do they paint them in Miami colors? Bright yellow and orange just aren't St. Paul. But... que sera sera.
I really like this neighborhood. West St. Paul is an area that a lot of people don't even know exists. It's the called the west side because it's the "west" side of the river, but because the river ain't straight, it's actually directly south of downtown. Which is pleasantly nonsensical. It's not upscale, it's just a nice working-class place. Very liberal ("wage peace" signs in windows, etc.). Small, nice, old houses. And very little crime. I used to live in north Minneapolis, which is the worst neighborhood in the TC area. My car and house were broken into, someone was shot practically in front of our house, there was a rash of muggings for several months before I left...
The last night I slept there, I was moving stuff to my new place late into the evening. I got home around midnight and there was a large van parked across the street from where I parked that did not belong there -- and it was running, with a guy sitting behind the wheel. I had to walk a little way down a dark alley to my house, and the recent crime rash involved people jumping out of cars, mugging people and/or stealing their cars, and/or kidnapping them (I'm not sure if the last one actually ever happened), especially in dark alleys. I was NOT getting out of my car, so after driving around for about 45 minutes and checking back several times to find the van still there and running, I called 911 for the first and hopefully last time in my life. I felt kind of stupid, but I was tired, I had to pee really bad, and I was so terrified to get out of my car I was in tears.
I never even felt very safe walking around the neighborhood in broad daylight. So west St. Paul was a much needed change. It's also not trendy to live here here, which is fine with me and adds up to some of the most affordable rent you can get in the metro area with almost no fear of crime. It's kind of far from any social life (Uptown, downtown Mpls., etc.), but at least it's close to where I work.
I haven't found anywhere I'd rather live. I loved California (we drove from San Francisco to San Diego, stopping in LA, San Luis Obispo, Big Sur, and places between, so I saw quite a bit of the state), Honolulu, New York, Boston, New Orleans, Portland, even Cleveland (more than Portland, actually, but probably because the same friends I was visiting in both cities like Cleveland more). I could see myself living in any of those places, but I never truly wanted to enough to leave here (yes, I lived in eastern Mass. for a year, but there's a reason I came back). I want to see more of Chicago (didn't really like it there in high school, the last time I was there besides passing through, but I think a lot of my anti-Chicagoism is because you can't go anywhere east of here without passing through Chicago during rush hour, which always sucks), Austin, Philadelphia, Seattle, Vancouver, Las Vegas, Miami -- and I still feel like I should try moving around a little before I get "too old" (although hopefully I'll never be too old) -- but I know I'll always end up back here. Some day, when I'm old and don't care about the nightlife (I'm approaching that already), I actually might want to live in Wisconsin along the river -- maybe Stockholm, a small artsy town about an hour from here. But I really am a city girl, so we'll see.
So I thought it was worth ranting about something good this time. And I'm going to improve my attitude about working in film. It CAN be done, but it will require more of a commitment from me than I've been making, and I've got to start working harder for it. And I fully resolve not to think about my current job when I'm not there. It's not worth it. I'd rather spend my sunny winter walks and think about how much I love living here.
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