Sunday, April 29, 2007
pix -- WILL THIS WORK?
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[IMG]http://i175.photobucket.com/albums/w127/ashcan-rantings/0077073-R1-015-6.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i175.photobucket.com/albums/w127/ashcan-rantings/0077073-R1-015-6.jpg[/IMG]
Where did you come from?
During my frequent long walks, I have a lot of time to think deep thoughts. Here is Friday's:
I was walking along thinking, I can walk till I drop dead, and I will still have a butt. It's not as big as it once was, but I feel like it's disproportionate. And I got to thinking, where the hell did this come from? I can't think of a single person I'm related to by blood with a butt. Well, no, I had a male cousin who got a little chubby for a while, and I think for a guy he sort of had a butt. Not really, but for a guy... Maybe it's because I don't have as many female blood relatives? My parents and grandparents have NO butts. My one blood aunt has struggled with her weight, but as far as I remember, like my grandma (her mother), she tends to gain weight around the middle and have a flat butt. (I've never spent so much time, or any time that I remember, trying to visualize my family memebers' butts...) I do have overweight relatives, just no one with butt issues.
In fact, that goes a step further. The two main body types/weight gain areas are the apple shape (large around the stomach) and the pear shape (larger below the wast). I guess I'm the latter (although I just get big all over -- but despite my exercise being mostly leg-focused, my top half slimmed down the easiest). No one I'm related to has this body type. I find that weird.
Maybe on my next walk I'll figure out where my butt came from. Better yet, maybe I'll figure out where it's going and how to make it leave.
I was walking along thinking, I can walk till I drop dead, and I will still have a butt. It's not as big as it once was, but I feel like it's disproportionate. And I got to thinking, where the hell did this come from? I can't think of a single person I'm related to by blood with a butt. Well, no, I had a male cousin who got a little chubby for a while, and I think for a guy he sort of had a butt. Not really, but for a guy... Maybe it's because I don't have as many female blood relatives? My parents and grandparents have NO butts. My one blood aunt has struggled with her weight, but as far as I remember, like my grandma (her mother), she tends to gain weight around the middle and have a flat butt. (I've never spent so much time, or any time that I remember, trying to visualize my family memebers' butts...) I do have overweight relatives, just no one with butt issues.
In fact, that goes a step further. The two main body types/weight gain areas are the apple shape (large around the stomach) and the pear shape (larger below the wast). I guess I'm the latter (although I just get big all over -- but despite my exercise being mostly leg-focused, my top half slimmed down the easiest). No one I'm related to has this body type. I find that weird.
Maybe on my next walk I'll figure out where my butt came from. Better yet, maybe I'll figure out where it's going and how to make it leave.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Why I Don't Go to Movies in Theaters Very Often
There are two main types of theatergoing movie viewers.
The first I'll call the Blockbusters. They're impressed with anything big (explosions, music, sinking boats) and famous people. That in iteslf doesn't bother me -- I can dig Hollywood movies. They're also the types who talk and make all manner of noises, especially during quiet scenes. Unfortunately, I've had close friends and family members of this persuasion, but damn, it drives me crazy. They ask what just happened, GASP in shock every time anything remotely unexpected happens (one friend didn't realize until someone glared at her that she spent most of a suspenseful movie whisper-yelling "fuck! Fuck!" in terror). Or much worse, they do these things when they merely ASSUME something bad is about to happen. When it doesn't, thanks, Blockbuster, you've just made whatever did happen an anticlimax. Even if I want to ignore you, the throaty, panicked, inhaled "gughghgh!" sound you make automatically puts me on guard. They tend to eat more loudly than the average German Shepherd (sometimes they "drink" their popcorn by upending the container and shaking it down the gullet, producing a lovely "SHT SHT SHT" sound -- until, finally engorged, they throw the container on the floor to bounce/roll down 12 rows. If your hands are too dirty to eat out of, WASH THEM. Ew.)
The second category, actually far worse, is what I will call the Artsy-Fartsies. These can be primarily identified by their hearty, knowing, often indulgent laughs. The worst of these, when watching an arthouse-type film, will laugh at ANYTHING. The more obscure the film (in subject, style or fame), the more they laugh. At everything. If there's a closeup of someone's face, they laugh. If there's a fast cut between two scenes, they laugh. If anything remotely unexpected happens, they laugh. If someone collapses, they laugh -- until they figure out the character just dropped dead of a previously undetected, particularly deadly form of cancer, and the rest of the characters are left to pick up the pieces of their shattered lives. Then they sometimes stop laughing. Unless something funny happens.
Yesterday I saw an unusual film at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Film Festival (or, as I think they call it now, the International Minneapolis-St. Paul Film Festival -- I guess MSPIFF was harder to remember than IMSPFF). It was sort of science fictiony, but not necessarily sci-fi (the world it was set in was somewhat different from our own, but there only a few details that were really not possible in our current reality. Whatever, I'm no sci-fi expert). I wasn't expecting it to be a comedy, and after watching it last night and listening to people belly-laugh the entire way through it, I have NO IDEA if it was a disturbing view of a shallow, dead society not so very unlike our own, or a screwball comedy about a man stuck in a crazy-goofy town full of nutty folks. I think if I had watched it by myself I would have found it quirky, outright humorous at times, but overall more puzzling, thought-provoking and just odd. Maybe one or two laugh-out-loud moments.
At one point the main character is following a mysterious man home. Of course, the audience was in fits of uproars because the man he was following was wearing wingtip shoes, and that's all we ever see close up. He goes into a building, and our hero stands outside, staring at the blank facade (ha, look at the closeup of his face!). Suddenly, a light in the basement level flares on. AND THEY LAUGHED. Oh my, the quirky cleverness of it all!
Of course, there are other small groups. The Snorers. The Latecomers. The Walkouts (really sensitive hippie Artsy-Fartsies who didn't actually read the description of the film that called it things like "disturbing," "violent," or even "sexual"). The Fidgeters, who shake entire rows of seats with their constant heavings.
And then there's me. I sit still (within reason; legs do fall asleep), quietly enjoying what's on the screen before me. I arrive on time and use the bathroom before the show starts. If I'm too tired to sit through a movie, I stay home. I eat before I come to the theater, or specifically pick foods that don't make too much noise. If I miss something, I silently chide myself to pay attention and assume I'll figure out what happened. If something startles me, I keep it to myself. If something is funny, I'll chuckle, but I don't feel the need to project my appreciation to those sitting 20 rows in front of me. I turn my phone off before I walk into the building, to make sure I don't forget.
Damn it, I'm not a perfect person. But I'm damn near a perfect moviegoer. (My main faults are height and poofiness of hair. I cannot help this, but I can understand the frustration you people behind me must feel. Which is why I go to all possible lengths to avoid sitting in front of anyone.) There is nothing that pisses me off more than paying $7-$9 to see a movie on the big screen and have to listen to other people's tiny dramas the entire time. SHUT THE HELL UP!
Thank you.
The first I'll call the Blockbusters. They're impressed with anything big (explosions, music, sinking boats) and famous people. That in iteslf doesn't bother me -- I can dig Hollywood movies. They're also the types who talk and make all manner of noises, especially during quiet scenes. Unfortunately, I've had close friends and family members of this persuasion, but damn, it drives me crazy. They ask what just happened, GASP in shock every time anything remotely unexpected happens (one friend didn't realize until someone glared at her that she spent most of a suspenseful movie whisper-yelling "fuck! Fuck!" in terror). Or much worse, they do these things when they merely ASSUME something bad is about to happen. When it doesn't, thanks, Blockbuster, you've just made whatever did happen an anticlimax. Even if I want to ignore you, the throaty, panicked, inhaled "gughghgh!" sound you make automatically puts me on guard. They tend to eat more loudly than the average German Shepherd (sometimes they "drink" their popcorn by upending the container and shaking it down the gullet, producing a lovely "SHT SHT SHT" sound -- until, finally engorged, they throw the container on the floor to bounce/roll down 12 rows. If your hands are too dirty to eat out of, WASH THEM. Ew.)
The second category, actually far worse, is what I will call the Artsy-Fartsies. These can be primarily identified by their hearty, knowing, often indulgent laughs. The worst of these, when watching an arthouse-type film, will laugh at ANYTHING. The more obscure the film (in subject, style or fame), the more they laugh. At everything. If there's a closeup of someone's face, they laugh. If there's a fast cut between two scenes, they laugh. If anything remotely unexpected happens, they laugh. If someone collapses, they laugh -- until they figure out the character just dropped dead of a previously undetected, particularly deadly form of cancer, and the rest of the characters are left to pick up the pieces of their shattered lives. Then they sometimes stop laughing. Unless something funny happens.
Yesterday I saw an unusual film at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Film Festival (or, as I think they call it now, the International Minneapolis-St. Paul Film Festival -- I guess MSPIFF was harder to remember than IMSPFF). It was sort of science fictiony, but not necessarily sci-fi (the world it was set in was somewhat different from our own, but there only a few details that were really not possible in our current reality. Whatever, I'm no sci-fi expert). I wasn't expecting it to be a comedy, and after watching it last night and listening to people belly-laugh the entire way through it, I have NO IDEA if it was a disturbing view of a shallow, dead society not so very unlike our own, or a screwball comedy about a man stuck in a crazy-goofy town full of nutty folks. I think if I had watched it by myself I would have found it quirky, outright humorous at times, but overall more puzzling, thought-provoking and just odd. Maybe one or two laugh-out-loud moments.
At one point the main character is following a mysterious man home. Of course, the audience was in fits of uproars because the man he was following was wearing wingtip shoes, and that's all we ever see close up. He goes into a building, and our hero stands outside, staring at the blank facade (ha, look at the closeup of his face!). Suddenly, a light in the basement level flares on. AND THEY LAUGHED. Oh my, the quirky cleverness of it all!
Of course, there are other small groups. The Snorers. The Latecomers. The Walkouts (really sensitive hippie Artsy-Fartsies who didn't actually read the description of the film that called it things like "disturbing," "violent," or even "sexual"). The Fidgeters, who shake entire rows of seats with their constant heavings.
And then there's me. I sit still (within reason; legs do fall asleep), quietly enjoying what's on the screen before me. I arrive on time and use the bathroom before the show starts. If I'm too tired to sit through a movie, I stay home. I eat before I come to the theater, or specifically pick foods that don't make too much noise. If I miss something, I silently chide myself to pay attention and assume I'll figure out what happened. If something startles me, I keep it to myself. If something is funny, I'll chuckle, but I don't feel the need to project my appreciation to those sitting 20 rows in front of me. I turn my phone off before I walk into the building, to make sure I don't forget.
Damn it, I'm not a perfect person. But I'm damn near a perfect moviegoer. (My main faults are height and poofiness of hair. I cannot help this, but I can understand the frustration you people behind me must feel. Which is why I go to all possible lengths to avoid sitting in front of anyone.) There is nothing that pisses me off more than paying $7-$9 to see a movie on the big screen and have to listen to other people's tiny dramas the entire time. SHUT THE HELL UP!
Thank you.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Creep City, Part Two
Today I went for a looooong hike, and I've decided to make a habit of it. My three goals, which I've been trying to fit into some cute name or other, are EXploration, EXercise, and, um, PHotography. I think this will be my new hobby/way to keep myself out of trouble. Unfortunately, the photography part still costs money, otherwise it would also be a great way to spend my time without spending money (I'm hoping I can get my negs processed and put on CD only for not too much). It doesn't take long to shoot through a whole roll of film -- I figure I can do 1.5-2 rolls per trip if I'm not careful.
Today, among other places, I went back to where I was yesterday, more or less, but I started at the bottom instead of the top of the bluff. I found more "caves," if you can call them that -- hollowed-out areas maybe 8-10' deep, not interesting at all. But I found the other approach at least, and now I know that the possible entrance I found yesterday is pretty inaccessible by automobile, hence safe to enter... But I still need to go back with others! I'm hoping my brother will go. Did I mention I researched Lillydale Park after yesterday and found out it's supposed to be haunted? Glad I didn't know that then -- I didn't go very far up that way today.
I found another non-scary cool place. There's this gully sort of area that my lovely scenic road (hwy. 13, which I think is aka Lillydale road) overpasses, which I've wished before I could stop and look at. Well, I got all the way up there (higher than my house) from the bottom, much of the way off trail, to find a nice little waterfall. It was about a 2 hour hike, and I ran out of film early on, so I was actually moving at as fast a pace as the terrain would allow most of that time. It's so rewarding to venture off the path and find something unexpected! I should clarify that I wouldn't have gone all the way to the falls if I hadn't passed some people coming from it who told me about it. But I learned a vaulable lesson: always follow creeks uphill. I should also clarify that after a couple minutes at the fall I looked up the other direction and saw several condos overlooking me >:P That sucked, but I tried to ignore them, and hoped they were ignoring me.
I also realized something about myself: I love to be alone. I do love to spend time with my friends and family, but walking alone today, I realized I didn't want anyone with me and wouldn't have had nearly as much fun if I had. I love the prospect of a whole weekend to myself. If I didn't feel social pressures (not wanting to look like a freaky loner loser), I would probably isolate myself completely. Which isn't a good thing, and it's not that I don't like my friends, it's just a conscious effort to make the move to get together with them on my part. Which is why I've been making more of an effort to make and keep new friends. But it's interesting. I've known people -- my ex-roommate and friends of his, for example -- who simply cannot be alone. They'll spend time with someone they don't really care for (i.e. me) before they'll spend an afternoon by themselves. They've openly admitted that and clearly think I'm weird when I want to be alone. That's so far from me it's hard to understand -- I've realized how much more contented and myself I am when I live alone than when I'm around people all the time, enough that I think that in iteslf should be considered prescription medication, and my insurance shouldreally help support my solitary living. At least give me the price of Prozac to apply toward my monthly rent.
Of course, all this isn't to say that I don't get lonely, or that I've never found myself wanting to go out and depressed because no one was around, or that I don't mean it when I do want to get together with my friends. But sometimes I notice that they're the ones who call me more often, and it's just contentedness with the status quo on my part, not an affront to them.
Oh, I still like my cats. And the only people I could think of having with me on my hike who would have improved my lovely afternoon were Scout and Bella, my two favorite dogs. I'm thinking of seeing if I can borrow one of them next time.
Today, among other places, I went back to where I was yesterday, more or less, but I started at the bottom instead of the top of the bluff. I found more "caves," if you can call them that -- hollowed-out areas maybe 8-10' deep, not interesting at all. But I found the other approach at least, and now I know that the possible entrance I found yesterday is pretty inaccessible by automobile, hence safe to enter... But I still need to go back with others! I'm hoping my brother will go. Did I mention I researched Lillydale Park after yesterday and found out it's supposed to be haunted? Glad I didn't know that then -- I didn't go very far up that way today.
I found another non-scary cool place. There's this gully sort of area that my lovely scenic road (hwy. 13, which I think is aka Lillydale road) overpasses, which I've wished before I could stop and look at. Well, I got all the way up there (higher than my house) from the bottom, much of the way off trail, to find a nice little waterfall. It was about a 2 hour hike, and I ran out of film early on, so I was actually moving at as fast a pace as the terrain would allow most of that time. It's so rewarding to venture off the path and find something unexpected! I should clarify that I wouldn't have gone all the way to the falls if I hadn't passed some people coming from it who told me about it. But I learned a vaulable lesson: always follow creeks uphill. I should also clarify that after a couple minutes at the fall I looked up the other direction and saw several condos overlooking me >:P That sucked, but I tried to ignore them, and hoped they were ignoring me.
I also realized something about myself: I love to be alone. I do love to spend time with my friends and family, but walking alone today, I realized I didn't want anyone with me and wouldn't have had nearly as much fun if I had. I love the prospect of a whole weekend to myself. If I didn't feel social pressures (not wanting to look like a freaky loner loser), I would probably isolate myself completely. Which isn't a good thing, and it's not that I don't like my friends, it's just a conscious effort to make the move to get together with them on my part. Which is why I've been making more of an effort to make and keep new friends. But it's interesting. I've known people -- my ex-roommate and friends of his, for example -- who simply cannot be alone. They'll spend time with someone they don't really care for (i.e. me) before they'll spend an afternoon by themselves. They've openly admitted that and clearly think I'm weird when I want to be alone. That's so far from me it's hard to understand -- I've realized how much more contented and myself I am when I live alone than when I'm around people all the time, enough that I think that in iteslf should be considered prescription medication, and my insurance shouldreally help support my solitary living. At least give me the price of Prozac to apply toward my monthly rent.
Of course, all this isn't to say that I don't get lonely, or that I've never found myself wanting to go out and depressed because no one was around, or that I don't mean it when I do want to get together with my friends. But sometimes I notice that they're the ones who call me more often, and it's just contentedness with the status quo on my part, not an affront to them.
Oh, I still like my cats. And the only people I could think of having with me on my hike who would have improved my lovely afternoon were Scout and Bella, my two favorite dogs. I'm thinking of seeing if I can borrow one of them next time.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Creep city
I went for a photo-taking walk today and found out I live in walking distance of the caves of St. P., which was cool but creepy (stumbling upon them unexpectedly). I'll put pictures up eventually, but I doubt they'll be too interesting. But this was one of those creepy things that I'm sure has a totally boring explanation: there was a young (teenage?) couple walking ahead of me on the gravel path that I didn't know yet led down to one cave entrance. They walked down just ahead of me, and just a couple of minutes later, I saw the boy walk back up, but not the girl. Weird, but whatever. Then I found a cave entrance, and this other brick arch thing that I checked out first. I was taking pictures and kept smelling this odd burning smell that was more like incence (what I imagine church incense smelling like, anyway -- not nag champa or anything). I made my way over to the actual cave opening (I should clarify that it was sort of barred over -- not sure if the pictures will show it, but I was too creeped out to get too close -- but borderline as far as being able to sneak in), I realized there was a large smoldering torch that was giving off the odor, leaning against the entrance and just smoking away.
Boring explanation: Most likely, they met down there (I'm 99% sure that area is accessible from the bottom as well as the way I came) to have sex or whatever kids do and were wandering up and back down the trail when I saw them. She probably left from the bottom and he was walking back up. They were probably in the cave, using the torch for light, and left it half-extinguished outside the entrance. It was probably made of a shrub that smells sweeter than most wood (we had some lilac branches to burn at my last place which smelled lovely).
But it was creepy! I was all alone in the woods! People have died in those caves! The sun went behind a cloud!
So that's my super-lame scary ghost story. Walking along the path, I found several smaller openings that looked straight into larger caverns, and possibly one larger entrance, but I was too scared to look too closely this trip. Maybe someday I'll bring someone with me (need to tell my brother about the entrances for sure) and actually be able to investigate these caves. It's been a dream of mine for years (http://www.actionsquad.org/underground.html), but no way I'm going IN by myself, since I can barely get close to the entrances!
Boring explanation: Most likely, they met down there (I'm 99% sure that area is accessible from the bottom as well as the way I came) to have sex or whatever kids do and were wandering up and back down the trail when I saw them. She probably left from the bottom and he was walking back up. They were probably in the cave, using the torch for light, and left it half-extinguished outside the entrance. It was probably made of a shrub that smells sweeter than most wood (we had some lilac branches to burn at my last place which smelled lovely).
But it was creepy! I was all alone in the woods! People have died in those caves! The sun went behind a cloud!
So that's my super-lame scary ghost story. Walking along the path, I found several smaller openings that looked straight into larger caverns, and possibly one larger entrance, but I was too scared to look too closely this trip. Maybe someday I'll bring someone with me (need to tell my brother about the entrances for sure) and actually be able to investigate these caves. It's been a dream of mine for years (http://www.actionsquad.org/underground.html), but no way I'm going IN by myself, since I can barely get close to the entrances!
Saturday, April 7, 2007
BBLLWWWAAAAAHHHH
That is the sound of puking, which I did NOT actually do, but it was a close one. Let's just say... Oh hell, I had the shits, man. No reason to lie. I think I got me some food poisoning. But it would be a mild case, luckily (I've had it before and puked for 12 hours straight). Still, I opted not to drive 5 hours through some LONG stretches without bathrooms to grandma's for Easter. :( So I'm spending Easter alone, SOB! (That's sort of a joke, as I've always considered Easter the most annoying and pointless of holidays. I think it's mostly because of the pastels. And if you don't get a day off work, it ain't a holiday.) I do like the Cadbury eggs, so I'll be eating one of those tomorrow, in honor of the resurrection of our Lord and Savior and all.
So I took 2 days off work and have been sitting around my apartment for 3 days straight now and it's driving me crazy! At the same time, I just realized that in like 36 hours I'll have to get up for work! NOOOOOOOooooooo....
But on Monday night I'm getting my haircut! Now, unlike some, a haircut is not a bimonthly chore for me. It only happens once or twice a decade and is usually dramatic. I'm going to a curly-hair specialist, and the outcome will be either a) long hair that I can manage and wear down (right now I ALWAYS, and I mean 100% of the time, wear it in a ponytail), or b) SHORT hair. So it should be a big deal either way. I'm excited! I will TRY to get some pictures up here of my new skinny-ass short-haired self (or as the case may be). It's not easy for the likes of me, though. Analog girl in a digital world.
Oh, did I mention previously that I was going to play floor hockey with a bunch of film guys? Well, I did, it was fun (I SUCKED), and I've decided I'm going to keep playing. It's a much better workout than the treadmill. However, we went to the bar afterward and I had some beers -- canNOT do that every week or it will cancel out the effect of the workout. (BUT I had a salad, and everyone else had burgers.) And I think I have 2 more girls who want to come this week, so woohoo, will not be the only one! Although I only mind it in that I feel like I'm the only one who doesn't know what I'm doing. I'm used to being around all guys, and they're not too annoying about it, mostly.
I do not know why I always feel like I can't say things because "people" might see them. As no one reads this. So I will also say as a side note that they're a good lookin' bunch for the most part. Probably mostly married, but that's OK, just lookin'. But then, I think everyone is good looking. Seriously! Or else I only have good-looking friends. Which of course is in the eye of the beholder, so I DO! Anyway.
I was talking to the one guy in this group who I knew from before a couple weeks ago, and suddenly I remembered this guy I went on ONE date with a long while back, but it felt more like a "briefly dated" sort of situation. We e-mailed a fair amount between there because it was xmas break (this was at the U, although he's MUCH older than me), and admitted "you're kinda cool, I, um, think you're cute," stuff like that. Anyway, this is a sad, pathetic saga that I won't get into too much, but he stood me up REPEATEDLY (had great excuses, though!) and then just fell off the face of the earth. Hmm... Not far enough along into any sort of relationship to have gotten to know me and realized I suck (as he hadn't SEEN me since he said I decidedly did not suck), but far enough that you owe someone an explanation.
Not a huge deal as far as him personally, but it really bothered me for a while -- I was convinced I was a freak and no one could stand me, plus I felt somehow like I had been suckered -- he pursued me, got me to start really liking him, then it was like, HA, just kidding, stupid ugly girl from high school who guys made fun of, of course I never liked you! I hate to give anyone this kind of power, but yes, it had a strong effect on me at the time, stronger than it should have because it was the culmination/adult manifestation of all the insecurities I had felt all my life.
Not really relevent, but MONTHS later he shows up where I then worked (hardware store). Awkward small talk. He later called back, begged me not to hang up on him, said he wanted to explain everything to me, could he call me back that night? I said sure (NO interest in "seeing" him, just in hearing what happened for some peace of mind), gave him my #, AND NEVER HEARD FROM HIM AGAIN. What a winner. I'm not sure if I mean him or me.
Anyway, I completely FORGOT about this part: I met him in a film class, and he had just moved back here from CA where he worked in the film industry -- in lighting! Now, it's no coincidence I got into the same industry -- we met in a film class, and I always wanted to be in production, and he was the first person I met who was in it and could tell me how you do it, that you don't need to go to film school, etc. So I do credit him for planting that early idea, and that's the one good thing I still believe comes from every experience. But it is TOTALLY coincidental that I'm working in the exact same field! I sort of fell into it a few jobs in and liked it. Although I did more lighting in my theater days than a lot of things (esp. in high school), I never had a particular interest in pursuing it before.
Oh, so the tie-in to this guy I was talking to -- I casually asked him if he'd ever heard of this guy, and he said yeah, he knows him and has worked with him, sure, he's still in town! Apparently he's mostly into stage lighting now. But JEEZ, way to come full-circle! Anyway, I was thinking about that, and if I saw him now I don't think it would really be a big deal on my part -- this was like 5-6 years ago now, and I certainly don't have enough emotionally invested to hate him or care much at this point. But it is a little weird, and yes, I would have to fight off initial feelings of DRAMA if I did see him after all this time. Especially since (even though he nowhere near qualifies as an ex, it is the same kind of discomfort) I tend to keep my exes REAL far away, so I don't run into them, ever. (Except Joe, but that's another story I still haven't gone into).
Not sure what the moral of the story is, although I can now say that, whatever the hell was going on with that guy, even if it WAS a "ha ha ugly girl from high school, I was just PRETENDING I like you" thing (which I'm sure now it wasn't), IT DOESN'T MATTER. He probably has a small penis anyway. KIDDING, that doesn't matter either! But it makes my point -- I'm sure he had some upheaval or mental illness or moral dilemma or something going on and it had nothing to do with me, and I was all torn up about some ungrounded dude's issues for no reason. (Um, he had just gotten divorced, perhaps I should mention. COULD've had something to do with it...)
The moral is also that it's a small world, so don't fuck with people, because you might run into them socially or professionally 6 years later and feel like a DICK. >:)
So I took 2 days off work and have been sitting around my apartment for 3 days straight now and it's driving me crazy! At the same time, I just realized that in like 36 hours I'll have to get up for work! NOOOOOOOooooooo....
But on Monday night I'm getting my haircut! Now, unlike some, a haircut is not a bimonthly chore for me. It only happens once or twice a decade and is usually dramatic. I'm going to a curly-hair specialist, and the outcome will be either a) long hair that I can manage and wear down (right now I ALWAYS, and I mean 100% of the time, wear it in a ponytail), or b) SHORT hair. So it should be a big deal either way. I'm excited! I will TRY to get some pictures up here of my new skinny-ass short-haired self (or as the case may be). It's not easy for the likes of me, though. Analog girl in a digital world.
Oh, did I mention previously that I was going to play floor hockey with a bunch of film guys? Well, I did, it was fun (I SUCKED), and I've decided I'm going to keep playing. It's a much better workout than the treadmill. However, we went to the bar afterward and I had some beers -- canNOT do that every week or it will cancel out the effect of the workout. (BUT I had a salad, and everyone else had burgers.) And I think I have 2 more girls who want to come this week, so woohoo, will not be the only one! Although I only mind it in that I feel like I'm the only one who doesn't know what I'm doing. I'm used to being around all guys, and they're not too annoying about it, mostly.
I do not know why I always feel like I can't say things because "people" might see them. As no one reads this. So I will also say as a side note that they're a good lookin' bunch for the most part. Probably mostly married, but that's OK, just lookin'. But then, I think everyone is good looking. Seriously! Or else I only have good-looking friends. Which of course is in the eye of the beholder, so I DO! Anyway.
I was talking to the one guy in this group who I knew from before a couple weeks ago, and suddenly I remembered this guy I went on ONE date with a long while back, but it felt more like a "briefly dated" sort of situation. We e-mailed a fair amount between there because it was xmas break (this was at the U, although he's MUCH older than me), and admitted "you're kinda cool, I, um, think you're cute," stuff like that. Anyway, this is a sad, pathetic saga that I won't get into too much, but he stood me up REPEATEDLY (had great excuses, though!) and then just fell off the face of the earth. Hmm... Not far enough along into any sort of relationship to have gotten to know me and realized I suck (as he hadn't SEEN me since he said I decidedly did not suck), but far enough that you owe someone an explanation.
Not a huge deal as far as him personally, but it really bothered me for a while -- I was convinced I was a freak and no one could stand me, plus I felt somehow like I had been suckered -- he pursued me, got me to start really liking him, then it was like, HA, just kidding, stupid ugly girl from high school who guys made fun of, of course I never liked you! I hate to give anyone this kind of power, but yes, it had a strong effect on me at the time, stronger than it should have because it was the culmination/adult manifestation of all the insecurities I had felt all my life.
Not really relevent, but MONTHS later he shows up where I then worked (hardware store). Awkward small talk. He later called back, begged me not to hang up on him, said he wanted to explain everything to me, could he call me back that night? I said sure (NO interest in "seeing" him, just in hearing what happened for some peace of mind), gave him my #, AND NEVER HEARD FROM HIM AGAIN. What a winner. I'm not sure if I mean him or me.
Anyway, I completely FORGOT about this part: I met him in a film class, and he had just moved back here from CA where he worked in the film industry -- in lighting! Now, it's no coincidence I got into the same industry -- we met in a film class, and I always wanted to be in production, and he was the first person I met who was in it and could tell me how you do it, that you don't need to go to film school, etc. So I do credit him for planting that early idea, and that's the one good thing I still believe comes from every experience. But it is TOTALLY coincidental that I'm working in the exact same field! I sort of fell into it a few jobs in and liked it. Although I did more lighting in my theater days than a lot of things (esp. in high school), I never had a particular interest in pursuing it before.
Oh, so the tie-in to this guy I was talking to -- I casually asked him if he'd ever heard of this guy, and he said yeah, he knows him and has worked with him, sure, he's still in town! Apparently he's mostly into stage lighting now. But JEEZ, way to come full-circle! Anyway, I was thinking about that, and if I saw him now I don't think it would really be a big deal on my part -- this was like 5-6 years ago now, and I certainly don't have enough emotionally invested to hate him or care much at this point. But it is a little weird, and yes, I would have to fight off initial feelings of DRAMA if I did see him after all this time. Especially since (even though he nowhere near qualifies as an ex, it is the same kind of discomfort) I tend to keep my exes REAL far away, so I don't run into them, ever. (Except Joe, but that's another story I still haven't gone into).
Not sure what the moral of the story is, although I can now say that, whatever the hell was going on with that guy, even if it WAS a "ha ha ugly girl from high school, I was just PRETENDING I like you" thing (which I'm sure now it wasn't), IT DOESN'T MATTER. He probably has a small penis anyway. KIDDING, that doesn't matter either! But it makes my point -- I'm sure he had some upheaval or mental illness or moral dilemma or something going on and it had nothing to do with me, and I was all torn up about some ungrounded dude's issues for no reason. (Um, he had just gotten divorced, perhaps I should mention. COULD've had something to do with it...)
The moral is also that it's a small world, so don't fuck with people, because you might run into them socially or professionally 6 years later and feel like a DICK. >:)
Monday, April 2, 2007
Well. Ayup. Mmm-hmm. Snort.
I have nothing new to say...
I just felt like it was time to add something, but nothing has really changed recently. Oh, except that I get to stay in my apartment, because if they don't break up (IF) and they do move out, they're planning to keep the house and rent out the downstairs. THANK GOD. So I bought a new piece of furniture ;) It makes my nook filled with crap into a nice, neat storage space, DAMMIT.
I got new shoes too, and they're so cool you wish you were me, plus they're unbelievably comfortable. Like, I took them off after walking 4.5 miles, and my feet were like, "noooo, put them back! They make us feel like we are ensconced in fluffy, sleeping kittens!" SERIOUSLY, people, after wearing them all day and to the gym, my feet were more comfortable with the shoes ON than OFF (usually as soon as I get home I can't get my shoes off fast enough).
Also this weekend I ate at a vegetarian Indian restaurant yesterday with K & S that was delish. My mom and stepdad came to visit Sat. and brought me the lovely new bookshelf s-dad made me for xmas and it's REALLY NICE. Way better than my sagging particleboard POS from Target. So that was my materialistic weekend. I suck... But... It was fun. Wow, this is even more inane than most of my postings. Ok, so like, buhbye!
I just felt like it was time to add something, but nothing has really changed recently. Oh, except that I get to stay in my apartment, because if they don't break up (IF) and they do move out, they're planning to keep the house and rent out the downstairs. THANK GOD. So I bought a new piece of furniture ;) It makes my nook filled with crap into a nice, neat storage space, DAMMIT.
I got new shoes too, and they're so cool you wish you were me, plus they're unbelievably comfortable. Like, I took them off after walking 4.5 miles, and my feet were like, "noooo, put them back! They make us feel like we are ensconced in fluffy, sleeping kittens!" SERIOUSLY, people, after wearing them all day and to the gym, my feet were more comfortable with the shoes ON than OFF (usually as soon as I get home I can't get my shoes off fast enough).
Also this weekend I ate at a vegetarian Indian restaurant yesterday with K & S that was delish. My mom and stepdad came to visit Sat. and brought me the lovely new bookshelf s-dad made me for xmas and it's REALLY NICE. Way better than my sagging particleboard POS from Target. So that was my materialistic weekend. I suck... But... It was fun. Wow, this is even more inane than most of my postings. Ok, so like, buhbye!
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