I worked at the cable access show Friday and OPERATED A FRICKING CAMERA. Wow, I thought I was going to watch them and learn how to wrap a cable. I have 3 more dates set with them for May. It rockeded!
Saturday I worked a loooooong day on Dead of Night or whatever they're going to call it (I'll let you know so you can all rush to the theater to see it. ALL of you. Sarah.) It was COOL -- big set, LOTS of people. I think I learned about 50 new names -- and I actually remembered a lot of them! That's the thing I have to really work the hardest at.
Oh, and I met this guy:
Not to be confused with this guy:
(Weird: I couldn't find one picture of them together... Discuss.)
So anyway, it's fun, I'm exhausted, and I had to not work on the film today, despite the fact that they needed and WANTED me back, AND get up 4 hours after I got home from shooting last night because of mother's day. Most people just call their mom, but I had to get up at 8 am, pick up my brother 45 min. out of my way, drive 2.5 hours down there, eat, talk to relatives, drive 2.5 hours back, drop off brother, and try to sleep (yes, so I blog -- hey, my hair is drying). But do I get to lay on the guilt trip this time? Nope, mom does, because we didn't stay long enough. ARGH. I just have to say, and I hope I don't regret putting this out there, that I was getting really choked up reading mother's day cards this year. Because I was overcome with gratitude toward my mother? No, because so many of them were like, "mom, you've always supported me," blah blah blah. My mother does NOT support me and would rather have me work a job I DESPISE and which makes me want to die a quick death instead of this slow, torturous one, instead of pursuing a chance at professional fulfillment (which is the way I choose to find it -- not through breeding and such shit) and for once in my life taking real risks to do what I want to do, because she couldn't stand not having a steady income, so therefore I can't do it (you know, like "I'm cold, put on a sweater"). She goes out of her way EVERY TIME IT COMES UP to mention that this is such a great "hobby" for me. I can understand where she's coming from, where you go through life doing certain shit in a certain order (college, marriage, job, children, DIVORCE, REMARRIAGE, retirement, etc.) because THAT'S JUST WHAT PEOPLE DO, or more accurately, because you're TOO GODDAMN SCARED TO LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE, but I thought I'd gotten through to her that I AM NOT PEOPLE. I AM KRISTINA. I DO THINGS KRISTINA'S WAY, NOT "PEOPLE'S" WAY. IF I DON'T, THEN THERE IS NO POINT TO MY EXISTENCE, IS THERE? And I've been living what I feel is a completely poinless existence the past few years. Seriously, my life has been WITHOUT POINT, and I don't mean that in a suicidal way, I mean that in a way that says it's now or never, time to make a change. So I am attempting to rectify that and create something out of my life that I can be PROUD of. IT'S NOT A MOTHERFUCKING HOBBY. Yes, I am blogging on mother's day about my major, major issues with my mother. That's all I have to say about that, except that if anyone can tell me how, without estranging yourself from your family, to NOT GIVE A SHIT WHAT YOUR MOTHER THINKS EVEN WHILE SHE'S TELLING YOU EXACTLY WHAT SHE THINKS, please let me know. I'm 30 FRICKING years old and she still can do way more than just annoy me. I've done it before and I'll do it again: if I can't talk to her about my life, and talking to her makes me feel bad about myself every time, then I will extricate myself from that negative situation and no longer talk to her. Just because she says it with a smile doesn't mean she doesn't intend to passive-aggressively inflict her shit on me. HOBBY. FUCK YOU. Wow. That's it. I am going to hell, right now, today.
DAMN, was that an ashcan rant. I'm not even the least bit drunk. What a weird entry. Go to bed. I've gotten about 9 hours of sleep in the past two nights put together.
No comments:
Post a Comment