HOW old am I?

Seriously. Not to harp on this, because I think I've mentioned it before, but it's getting a little ridiculous, and I want to know what the hell, please.

Today I was talking to a film dude and he asked how old I was. I hesitated... I've actually decided not to volunteer that information, since I'm newer at this -- best to let people think I'm younger than think of me as an old lady starting out where the 22-year-olds are. But I did tell him I'm 30, and he was all, "shut up!" And I was all, "nuh-uh, serious!" (No, I don't talk like that. That was sarcasm. That's NOT why people think I'm 12.)

Earlier this week I was playing floorball and we were picking teams. The guy we all knew to be the oldest one there suggested we go by age -- oldest and youngest to start with. A few people looked at me, although some know my age. The other contender for youngest said that would probably be me (I mean, me, not him referring to himself -- I GOTTA start using quotation marks more fastidiously). I said, uh, no, I'm pretty sure it's you, and asked his age. TWENTY-THREE. A Twenty-three-year-old thought I was younger than TWENTY-THREE.

Fuchrissake.

One of the first times I went to floorball, people asked if I was going to the bar with them afterward. Another of the young 'uns asked if I was old enough to drink. I assumed that was a joke and said aww, he's my new best friend, etc. Now I gotta wonder if he was FREAKING SERIOUS.

I mean, we all want to stay youthful (HA, I acutally just mistyped "useful" there -- freudian?), it's been pounded into our psyches by the magazines and such. I'd like to be a youthful 30, sure. BUT I AM NOT 22. I haven't been for some time. I'd LIKE to think I've had some life experiences in that time that have given me at least SOME essence of wisdom, even the hardships. (Don't get me wrong, I'm lucky for the extent of the hardships I've had in my life -- still, I HAVE had my problems.) Does NOTHING I've done show on my face? Hell, even 5 years of fucking doorknobs oughta get me something.

Anyway. I'm starting to get a little pissed off about this. Looking young is one thing, but people thinking you're hardly more than a child is upsetting. I KNOW it's partly my voice. This is why (OK, it's not WHY, but it doesn't help me change the fact that) I smoke. Maybe some day I will sound like a real grownup. But in the meantime, PLEASE, can someone tell me how to ACT MORE LIKE THE ADULT THAT I AM?

(NOTE: I do not mean that in any sense of the phrase that my mother would presume. I'm not going to poop out a kid or buy a house or whatever "grownups" are supposed to do. How can I be myself, yet be seen as an adult version of that self?)