Oh, it's not so bad

OK, so obviously among other things, I'm susceptible to the winter blues, seasonal affective disorder, whatever you want to call it. It's been crappy here for a long time -- below-zero temperatures, overcast, bleah. Today it's sunny and they just announced on the radio that it's 24 degrees, which by any other standards is cold, but it's warm enough for me to go for a walk and absorb some vitamin E or whatever. Sun is good.

So I slept until about 10:30, puttered around for a little while, walked up to the coffee shop and read the City Pages while I drank my Americano, then went across the street to the antique shop (I love those places), then I decided the weather was good enough for a relatively long walk. I made it all the way to the river, which is about a mile away. I wasn't sure if I'd make it at first, because the wind was in my face, but once I got going, I didn't want to stop. I was thinking a lot about where I live. Minnesota, St. Paul, the West Side (si-eed), my apartment... I really like it here.

The weather here is... interesting. Contrary to the belief recently expressed to me by someone in Dallas, it's not cold here year-round. In fact, it gets very hot in the summer. When Goatmaiden visited me last summer around the 4th of July, it was mid-90s. We had several days over 100 last summer. Then a couple weeks ago we didn't go above 0 for like 86 hours straight. We've barely broken 10 in 2 weeks. I don't like extremes (I'm almost always too hot or too cold), but for some reason I still dig it here. I'm sort of smug, and some of it comes from traveling around the US and talking to people all over the country in the course of my job -- we're a unique breed here in MN, the Twin Cities having the most extreme temperatures of any major US city. For some reason we still love it here, and I think because of it we have different values than, say, Southern California. Fashion, while not nonexistent here, isn't a huge deal, beacuse half the year you're covered in coats, hats, scarves. We've got a thriving arts community -- maybe because in these long winter months we have a lot of time to stay inside and create. For those who care (I don't), we have professional teams in every sport. Many great colleges and universities. Etc. And it's really beautiful. I love the Mississippi river, which borders both downtowns. Except my year in Massachusetts, I don't think I've ever lived much more than a mile from the river. And I don't think I'd ever want to.

I was thinking about the river today, looking across at downtown St. Paul. It's such a pretty little city, much more historic than Minneapolis (where most of downtown was torn down and rebuilt in the '70s). There's been a recent trend of condos taking over a lot of riverside real estate, which of course I'm not a huge fan of. But I was thinking today that at one time, only rich people in old mansions (or no one, in the case of the downtown side of the river) had a view of the Mississippi. Now at least more people with slightly less money get the views. (I'll never be able to afford one of those condos, and I'm sure they're still quite expensive). And some of them aren't that bad looking. There's one complex right across from where I was standing, though, that should be blown up -- WHY do they paint them in Miami colors? Bright yellow and orange just aren't St. Paul. But... que sera sera.

I really like this neighborhood. West St. Paul is an area that a lot of people don't even know exists. It's the called the west side because it's the "west" side of the river, but because the river ain't straight, it's actually directly south of downtown. Which is pleasantly nonsensical. It's not upscale, it's just a nice working-class place. Very liberal ("wage peace" signs in windows, etc.). Small, nice, old houses. And very little crime. I used to live in north Minneapolis, which is the worst neighborhood in the TC area. My car and house were broken into, someone was shot practically in front of our house, there was a rash of muggings for several months before I left...

The last night I slept there, I was moving stuff to my new place late into the evening. I got home around midnight and there was a large van parked across the street from where I parked that did not belong there -- and it was running, with a guy sitting behind the wheel. I had to walk a little way down a dark alley to my house, and the recent crime rash involved people jumping out of cars, mugging people and/or stealing their cars, and/or kidnapping them (I'm not sure if the last one actually ever happened), especially in dark alleys. I was NOT getting out of my car, so after driving around for about 45 minutes and checking back several times to find the van still there and running, I called 911 for the first and hopefully last time in my life. I felt kind of stupid, but I was tired, I had to pee really bad, and I was so terrified to get out of my car I was in tears.

I never even felt very safe walking around the neighborhood in broad daylight. So west St. Paul was a much needed change. It's also not trendy to live here here, which is fine with me and adds up to some of the most affordable rent you can get in the metro area with almost no fear of crime. It's kind of far from any social life (Uptown, downtown Mpls., etc.), but at least it's close to where I work.

I haven't found anywhere I'd rather live. I loved California (we drove from San Francisco to San Diego, stopping in LA, San Luis Obispo, Big Sur, and places between, so I saw quite a bit of the state), Honolulu, New York, Boston, New Orleans, Portland, even Cleveland (more than Portland, actually, but probably because the same friends I was visiting in both cities like Cleveland more). I could see myself living in any of those places, but I never truly wanted to enough to leave here (yes, I lived in eastern Mass. for a year, but there's a reason I came back). I want to see more of Chicago (didn't really like it there in high school, the last time I was there besides passing through, but I think a lot of my anti-Chicagoism is because you can't go anywhere east of here without passing through Chicago during rush hour, which always sucks), Austin, Philadelphia, Seattle, Vancouver, Las Vegas, Miami -- and I still feel like I should try moving around a little before I get "too old" (although hopefully I'll never be too old) -- but I know I'll always end up back here. Some day, when I'm old and don't care about the nightlife (I'm approaching that already), I actually might want to live in Wisconsin along the river -- maybe Stockholm, a small artsy town about an hour from here. But I really am a city girl, so we'll see.

So I thought it was worth ranting about something good this time. And I'm going to improve my attitude about working in film. It CAN be done, but it will require more of a commitment from me than I've been making, and I've got to start working harder for it. And I fully resolve not to think about my current job when I'm not there. It's not worth it. I'd rather spend my sunny winter walks and think about how much I love living here.